Team Hsu

Merry Christmas 2009

2009-12-22T06:37:00.011-06:00

Greetings from the Hsu family! We hope all has been well with you this year. We’re grateful to still have jobs in this economy, so we can’t complain. This summer we managed to get away for a week in Wisconsin Dells, where we avoided all the waterparks and instead enjoyed the boat tours, mini-golfing, go-karting and a magic show.

Our main entertainment indulgence this year was seeing various musical shows. We saw a local production of Miss Saigon, the Broadway tour of Rent with two original cast members, the farewell tour of Topol as Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof, and a high school version of Les Miserables. We also went to the amusing 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, the romantic The Light in the Piazza, and the Tony Award-winning best musicals Spring Awakening and Jersey Boys. We took the kids to a stage version of Disney’s Aladdin, and Josiah saw Seussical the Musical on a school field trip. We also caught a musical revue of 100 Years of Broadway. (Not surprisingly, we also like the new musical TV show Glee.)

Elijah is doing well in preschool. He loves the art table and the computer. He inherited Josiah’s Leapster and enjoys his Dora and SpongeBob games. Extra speech therapy has been helping him communicate more clearly, and he participated in a reading recital through his literacy group. He can read Mo Willems’s Elephant and Piggie books aloud with little problem. After he turned four he moved up to the big kids’ class at church. And he also learned how to unbuckle the seat belt on his car seat. Sigh.

Josiah is in 2nd grade now and is having fun in the district’s gifted program. He started piano lessons on our new (used) baby grand, and he enjoys it well enough that he practices piano for fun without needing to be reminded. He also took a chess class and likes his new strategy game Pentago. Josiah volunteered at some Chicago 2016 Olympic bid events and handed out wristbands. He is enthralled with his Nintendo DS and various Teen Titans and Lego things.

Ellen was thrilled that Christianity Today’s Her.meneutics blog for women ran her article about Elijah, “The Day We Let Our Son Live.” It was the top-ranked post for the month. She also had a moderate amount of travel for InterVarsity Press, with managerial meetings and business trips to Germany, Dallas, Madison and Denver. She continues to plan and lead worship at our church, and she plays a lot of Scrabble on her iPod Touch. Ellen will be serving as IVP’s bookstore sales manager at Urbana 09.

Al was the commencement speaker at Crossroads College this spring, fifteen years after his own graduation. He also gave a devotional message to the board of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, planned and led a publishing seminar at IVP, taught a class at Willow Creek Community Church and wrote an article about filmmaker John Hughes for ChristianityTodayMovies.com. His PhD studies are going slowly but well, and he celebrated fifteen years of working at IVP. Al will be serving as IVP’s book info booth manager at Urbana 09.

And now for our annual reading list: We went on a science fiction kick this year and highly recommend Mary Doria Russell’s The Sparrow and Children of Men, in which Jesuits in outer space face cosmic theological questions of suffering and evil. We also read Orson Scott Card’s Ender’s Game, Ursula Le Guin’s The Left Hand of Darkness, Frank Herbert’s Dune, Piers Anthony’s Split Infinity and Eoin Colfer’s And Another Thing, the sixth book in Douglas Adams’s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy trilogy. Other fiction Ellen liked included Audrey Niffenegger’s Her Fearful Symmetry, Kathryn Stockett’s The Help, Lynn Austin’s Though Waters Roar, Suzanne Collins’s Catching Fire, Jennifer Erin Valent’s Fireflies in December, Jodi Picoult’s Second Glance, Lisa See’s Snow Flower and the Secret Fan and Anne Tyler’s Back When We Were Grownups.

In nonfiction, Al thoroughly enjoyed Kevin Roose’s The Unlikely Disciple: A Sinner’s Semester at America’s Holiest University, a fascinating inside account of a conservative evangelical subculture. The Guinea Pig Diaries: My Life as an Experiment by A. J. Jacobs is on a smaller scale than his previous books but still great fun. In-N-Out Burger is an engaging history of the beloved burger chain. Dalton Conley’s Elsewhere, U.S.A. and Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers provided interesting cultural insights. And we commend our friend Caryn Rivadeniera’s Mama’s Got a Fake ID.

Josiah read through the entire Magic Tree House and A-Z Mysteries series and started working his way through The Chronicles of Narnia. He enjoyed Encyclopedia Brown, Teen Titans, Amelia Bedelia and Hardy Boys books, Foxtrot comics, Lego magazines and the Lego Star Wars Visual Dictionary.

Some IVP books that we’re pleased to have published this year include Soong-Chan Rah’s prophetic The Next Evangelicalism, Jim Belcher’s well-received Deep Church and James Bryan Smith’s The Good and Beautiful God. Adam McHugh’s Introverts in the Church was excerpted and featured as a cover article for Christian Century magazine. International AIDS activist Princess Kasune Zulu tells her extraordinary story in Warrior Princess. Societal and global justice issues are highlighted by Julie Clawson’s Everyday Justice, Mae Cannon’s Social Justice Handbook and John Perkins and Charles Marsh’s Welcoming Justice. A helpful guide to immigration policy reform is Welcoming the Stranger by Matthew Soerens and Jenny Hwang, and Green Revolution by Congressional candidate Ben Lowe calls for a new generation of environmental stewardship.

N. T. Wright’s Justification got a lot of attention, and John Sailhamer’s The Meaning of the Atonement cracked Amazon’s top 100 in sales rank. And our bestselling book of the year was … Finding God in the Shack by Roger Olson.

Well, that’s more than enough for this year. May you experience the peace and presence of God this Christmas season, and blessings to you in 2010!

Open House

2009-04-27T16:46:00.015-05:00

Last week was Joisah and Elijah's school's annual open house. I took photos of a lot of Josiah's work

Josiah's desk

Symmetrical Art (Josiah's is the one on top)

"My Fraction Creature"

"My Nice Bug" by Josiah Hsu

Goldfish bowl

"Where Am I?"

More symmetry

Elijah in his preschool class

The Day We Let Our Son Live

2009-02-17T17:11:00.001-06:00

I gazed in wonder at the blurry form on the screen. “Hi, Baby,” I whispered. The image of our baby was much clearer on the level two ultrasound. The technician rolled the ultrasound wand over my growing abdomen, now slippery with gel, and I marveled as I watched our son squirm a bit and suck his thumb. A new life forming within me.

Hoping for the Best
Al was supposed to be with me at the doctor’s office, but was running late after discovering his car had a flat tire. I hoped he would arrive in time to see the clearer images of our son. Our OB/GYN referred us for a level two ultrasound after our noticing choroid plexus cysts on our baby’s brain during the standard 20-week ultrasound. I was anxious about what the maternal health specialist might find. We knew a couple whose ultrasound also showed choroids plexus cysts, but whose baby was perfectly fine when he was born. We had spent the past week praying for our baby and hoping for the best.

Al walked into the exam room as the technician was finishing up. She hadn’t said much while she worked and explained that the doctor would be in to take a look for himself and to explain what he found. Al and I chatted quietly while we waited. I was relieved that Al had made it before the doctor came in. Little did I know how much I would need him.

“Something is Very Wrong”
The doctor came in and began his exam. I was delighted at the chance to see more images of our baby. But my world was shaken when the doctor finally began explaining what he saw. “Something is very wrong with this baby.”

He continued to roll the wand over my tummy as he pointed to various spots on the screen and began listing all of the “abnormalities” he found. Larger than usual nuchal folds…clenched fists…possible club feet…something wrong with the liver…enlarged ventricles in the brain, no stomach (but maybe he just couldn’t see it yet because the baby was so small). My tears flowed as his list grew longer. My delight at the new life within me turned to icy fear and I clutched Al’s hand tightly.

The doctor suspected a chromosomal problem, possibly Trisomy 13 or 18, birth defects caused by an extra 13th or 18th chromosome. The doctor explained that both of these conditions are generally “incompatible with life.” We were told that if our baby was born alive, he was likely to die within a day. If we were lucky, he might survive for 6 to 12 months. We wondered if we should begin preparing for death instead of life.

Frightened and uncertain of our baby’s future, we agreed to an amniocentesis. We would not, we thought, consider aborting our child, but we wanted to know what to expect. And this situation wasn’t really covered in What to Expect When You’re Expecting. Al held my hand while the doctor extracted amniotic fluid from my womb using a long needle. The procedure was over quickly and the baby seemed to be okay, that is, if you didn’t count all of his “abnormalities.” The doctor explained that it would take around two weeks to receive the results and mentioned when we would need to make a decision regarding termination.

Thinking the unthinkable
Once we were home I went to our bedroom and wept. I left Al to explain what was wrong to his mom, who was watching our three-year old for us that day. I was worried she would blame me.
Later that evening, after we’d both had some time to process the news, Al and I talked. I felt lost. This scenario didn’t fit any of my plans and I had no idea how to respond. We talked about funerals, and, if the baby survived, what life would be like for us and for him.
“What should we do?” I asked. “I never thought I would even think this, but do you think it would be more compassionate to terminate the pregnancy?” I felt horrible even thinking about abortion, but given what the doctor told us I honestly wondered which was more the more loving thing to do; save him from the pain and difficulties he would likely experience if he survived or allow him to live.

After a moment of silence Al responded, “I think we should do no harm.” Relieved, I quietly agreed. From that moment on we began to prepare ourselves to welcome our son into this world, no matter what that looked like. The most important day in my life is the day we decided to let our son live.

The Diagnosis
We chose a name and began to refer to our son as Elijah instead of “the baby.” It helped us to remember that he was “real.” Even if he didn’t survive the pregnancy, he was alive now and we would enjoy him as long as we could.

A couple of weeks later, shortly before Christmas, the doctor called with the results of the amniocentesis. Elijah was diagnosed with Trisomy 21, more commonly known as Down syndrome, a condition caused by an extra 21st chromosome. We had done some research. We knew that a diagnosis of Down syndrome meant that Elijah would have difficulty learning. We knew that he would experience developmental delays, such as walking and talking later than typical children. We also knew that he was more likely to have a congenital heart defect and other medical problems.

The doctor asked if we had made a decision regarding termination. I was surprised. “What? Why would we terminate? It’s only Down syndrome!” I was actually relieved. Elijah would most likely survive. I had no idea at the time that close to 90% of people who receive a pre-natal diagnosis of Down syndrome decide to terminate their pregnancy.

A New Life
Although we were glad Elijah would most likely live, we still grieved our lost hopes for a “perfect” baby. I vacillated between mourning, “This is not what I planned for my life!” and making new plans. I spent many evenings crying (pregnancy hormones were bad enough, but a difficult diagnosis made things even worse!). We read whatever books we could find about Down syndrome. We contacted the National Association for Down syndrome (NADS) and were paired with a support family. I was put on partial bed rest and spent a lot of time at the maternal health specialist’s office for appointments and non-stress tests.

On April 8, 37 weeks into the pregnancy, I went to see the maternal health specialist for a standard appointment. I told him I was little worried because Elijah wasn’t moving very often. Since Elijah was technically full-term, the doctor decided we should deliver him via C-section. I was promptly taken to a hospital room where I called Al and told him that we were having a baby…today!

A few hours later Al held newborn Elijah Timothy Hsu up for me to see. He was small, just four pounds seven ounces, and looked like a little old man. I had a few moments to gaze at him before the nurses took him to the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). After several difficult weeks, Elijah was released from the hospital and we took him home.

A New Normal
Other than having Down syndrome, most of the other “abnormalities” the doctor listed were not present. Today Elijah is a happy and healthy three-year old. He loves preschool and is learning to read. He communicates using a combination of sign language and spoken words. He enjoys giving hugs, dancing and babbling in front of a mirror. His smile lights up a room and his laugh is contagious. He and his six-year old brother, Josiah, play and fight together like any siblings. He also gets into trouble, like any three-year old might. He often throws his food off the table when he’s finished eating, and once he colored on our white furniture with a purple marker.
What has surprised me most about Elijah is how he is more “normal” than he is different. He has developmental delays and it sometimes takes him longer to learn new skills, but for the most part he’s just a normal kid doing normal kid stuff. Elijah’s first year was sometimes difficult and overwhelming, but life with Elijah has settled into its own routine. Taking care of him is not all that different than taking care of our typical child. And loving Elijah comes just as naturally to me as loving Josiah.

I can’t imagine life without Elijah anymore. He brings us so much joy. I’m so glad he’s alive and that he’s a part of our family. And I look forward to the day when Elijah can tell me about the most important day of his life.

Merry Christmas 2008

2008-12-22T06:58:00.001-06:00

Merry Christmas from the Hsu family! Blessings to you this Advent season. We’ve had a good year, and everyone has been healthy and happy. Elijah is three and a half now, and he transitioned out of his early intervention program and has begun preschool through our local school district. He is in a reading tutoring program and is reading words and sentences beyond his age level. He loves reciting letters, numbers and colors and singing songs like “Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes.” He asks to go through his deck of word flash cards, and at bedtime he’ll sit by the bedroom door to read Blue’s Clues books by the light of the hallway. He also likes helping make pancakes and putting away laundry.

Josiah is now 7 and in first grade. He tells us, “I love learning stuff.” He’s in an advanced reading group and a gifted math class, and he enjoys all of it. He started riding his bike and has been learning to play a little tennis. Over the summer he took swimming lessons and enjoyed a day camp through the park district. Other highlights for him were playing Sonic Heroes and Lego Batman. He also finally watched the original Star Wars movie (twice – both the theatrical release and the special edition, and he counted all the differences).

We had a few local “staycations” this year, with day trips to the zoo, the arboretum, the children’s museum, the beach and so on. Josiah was excited to visit the new Legoland Adventure Center here in the Chicago suburbs. And for our 11th anniversary, we went to see the musical Wicked before it wrapped up its Chicago run. We love musicals, and this one was a delightful deconstruction and reconstruction of the Wizard of Oz narrative.

As the rights manager for InterVarsity Press, Ellen had some domestic trips to Miami and Orlando, and this fall her international travel took her to a rights conference in South Korea, Marketsquare Asia in Hong Kong (where she met up with a former IVP intern) and the Frankfurt Book Fair in Germany. She was invited to join the board of her professional industry group, the International Rights Managers Association, and promptly helped the group rename itself as the Licensing and Subsidiary Rights Association. She also took two sign language classes to continue to progress in her signing skills and vocabulary.

In addition to his editorial acquisitions and development work for IVP, Al applied and was accepted into a PhD program in educational studies at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School in Deerfield, Illinois. (He scored in the 99^th percentile on the MAT, so he used that test score to join the Triple Nine Society, which has a higher standard of admission than Mensa.) He took his first doctoral classes this fall, and things seem to be going well so far. Al also served as a columnist for Christianity Today magazine this year, and he continued to do some occasional speaking, including the Envision 08 conference at Princeton Theological Seminary and a chapel at Wheaton College. Al also signed up as a volunteer for the Chicago 2016 Olympic bid.

What have we been reading this year? Josiah’s big thing has been puzzle books, brain teasers and riddles. He would ask friends, “What’s purple and in China? The Grape Wall of China!” and “Did you hear about the man whose whole left side of the body was cut off? Now he’s all right.” He particularly enjoyed the Picture Puzzle series of “can you spot the differences” books, and he also read through lots of Calvin & Hobbes and Garfield books.

In the realm of fiction, Al and Ellen read through Stephenie Meyer’s stand-alone sci-fi novel The Host and her Twilight series (the last book, Breaking Dawn, seems to draw some intriguing parallels between vampirism and resurrection life). Ellen read through T. Davis & Isabella Bunn’s Heirs of Acadia series and Karen Kingsbury’s Baxter family series, and she enjoyed Love Walked In by Marisa de los Santos and Linda Nichols’s books In Search of Eden and If I Gained the World. Al liked Sebastian Faulks’s new James Bond novel Devil May Care, which picks up where the original Ian Fleming novels left off. And Jorge Cham’s books of the comic strip series Piled High and Deeper (also known as PHD comics) provide a hilarious portrayal of grad student life.

In non-fiction we both appreciated Randy Pausch’s The Last Lecture, an inspirational and moving account of a dying man’s life of purpose and meaning. The Big Sort by Bill Bishop explores how people tend to self-organize themselves into like-minded communities. The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine is an accessible and explanatory tour of neurobiology. The Fortune Cookie Chronicles by Jennifer 8 Lee is a fascinating cultural history of Chinese food in America. Tim Keller’s The Reason for God is a sophisticated and intelligent presentation of the Christian faith for our day. (And Al was thrilled to find the out-of-print and amusing The Unrelieved Paradox: Studies in the Theology of Franz Bibfeldt, and even friended the elusive obscure genius and enigmatic figure on Facebook.)

Top of our list of IVP books this year is Andy Crouch’s Culture Making, which received a starred review in Publishers Weekly and was also named one of the best religion books of 2008. It’s a stunning, paradigm-shifting book of how Christians need to move beyond merely critiquing, condemning, copying or consuming culture and instead create and cultivate culture. Also receiving a starred review was Living Gently in a Violent World by Stanley Hauerwas and Jean Vanier, which looks at the profound lessons of the L’Arche communities’ experience of disability and friendship. James Choung’s True Story is a fresh narrative retelling of the gospel that goes beyond escape-ticket-to-heaven and provides a holistic, missional vision for both individual redemption and global transformation. Jesus Made in America by Stephen Nichols examines how Jesus has been imagined and reinterpreted throughout American history. Jesus Through Middle Eastern Eyes by Kenneth Bailey unpacks historical and cultural dynamics of New Testament passages. Finding Calcutta recounts what Mary Poplin learned from her time visiting Mother Teresa. I Once Was Lost by Don Everts and Doug Schaupp shares how their skeptical postmodern friends came to faith in Jesus. And Becoming the Answer to Our Prayers by Shane Claiborne and Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove brings together prayer and social activism.

That’s it for this year! May the Lord bless you and grant you his peace.

Elijah Pray!

2008-12-12T17:16:00.002-06:00

I was getting ready to eat a nice breakfast of pancakes with Elijah (our favorite!) when Elijah looked at me and said, "Elijah pray!"

So I said a simple prayer leaving time for Elijah to repeat each word after me. "Dear...God...Thank you...for...pancakes...Amen!" Elijah repeated each word, emphasizing the amen. I smiled, happy with Elijah's spiritual development, and picked up my fork.

"Mommy pray!"

I looked up and Elijah was signing that he wanted me to pray now. So I said a slightly longer prayer and got ready to eat.

"Elijah pray!" I looked up and Elijah had his hands folded ready for yet another prayer. We said three or more prayers together before I finally said, "All done prayers, Elijah. My pancakes are getting cold!"

This has become a common theme at mealtime. Elijah is quick to remind us to pray and eager to repeat the words (and complete prayers) as often as we allow him. This morning I was eating my pancakes (I told you its our favorite breakfast) when I heard Elijah babbling. I glanced up and he had his hands folded, clearly chatting away with God. I couldn't understand many of his words, but I have no doubt that God understood exactly what Elijah was saying to him.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2008-12-08T12:19:00.006-06:00

Along with Christmas music and snow, December has brought me a sense of lightheartedness and joy. The past few months have been full. After traveling to Asia in September I went to Frankfurt, Germany in October. While I was in Germany my assistant (who was in the office, not in Germany) went into premature labor. They were able to stop the contractions and she eventually had a beautiful and healthy baby, but the early labor also meant an early departure from work leaving me to train the new assistant. Things are going well, but I was feeling pretty stressed and pressed for time for most of October and November.

This is my absolute favorite photo of Elijah right now. It captures a sense of his joyful nature better than usual. And it expresses a sense of how I am feeling these days.

I love Advent and Christmas. Our Christmas tree is up, I've been playing Christmas music since Thanksgiving and most of our gifts are purchased and wrapped. We attended a couple of Christmas parties this weekend, both of which were a lot of fun.

Michael Card sang at IVP's Christmas party this weekend. I was talking with Michael a bit and wondering if he even remembered who I was when he said, "I think of you every day." Huh? I must have looked bewildered because he explained that he keeps translations of his books behind his coffee-maker. Since I handle translation rights for IVP and helped facilitate the translations, he thinks of me each morning when he gets a cup of coffee. I'm a bit of an affirmation junkie, so that made me feel pretty good. I really enjoyed the concert, particularly a new song he played for us called "Freedom," which has been a recurring theme in my Advent ponderings this year.

I have also been enjoying Sara Groves' Christmas CD, O Holy Night. Al and I especially like the song "Toy Packaging." If you haven't heard this yet, you really need to find a copy and listen to it, especially if you are a parent! The whole CD is really nice, but this song is a lot of fun.

Going Home

2008-09-09T07:45:00.005-05:00

After eight days of travel, I am ready to go home. I'm glad I came to Asia. I've had good meetings, visited some interesting places and enjoyed conversations with industry colleagues and friends. I took a few photos and bought a few gifts. I've also endured long hours, awkward conversations and food that is not familiar. With the exception of the past few evenings, I have been "on" for seven days straight. I'm ready for a little time off. And I am soooo ready to be with my family again. I'm going home.

Symphony of Lights and the view from Victoria's Peak

Reporting from Asia

2008-09-06T21:54:00.007-05:00

I am travelling in Asia for work this week. I spent three days in Seoul, Korea and am now in Hong Kong for another few days. I have been honored by the graciousness and generosity of various people who have hosted me and others in my group for office visits and dinners. I was able to visit the the offices of four publishers in Korea in addition to meeting with 25 publishers in a convention setting. I participated in two traditional "royal" Korean feasts where we were served course after course of the finest Korean food. And I went to an Outback Steakhouse and the martial arts comedy "Jump!" with a group of friends and publishing industry colleagues.

Last night I visited a publisher here in Hong Kong and was treated to a wonderful buffet dinner. At 8:00 pm the city of Hong Kong lights up with a laser light show. Our table was in front of a large window displaying a panorama of the city and a splendid view of the light show. The light show is synchronized to music, which the restaurant played for us. Many of the buildings in central Hong Kong have large lights on the face of their buildings that light up and change color in coordination with the music. In addition, large spotlights appear to shoot from the tops of the tallest buildings. It was quite a spectacle. I forgot my camera, but the people I was with took some photos for me. I'll have to post them another time.

I've been with other people for the past four days, mostly as a guest where I needed to display certain decorum and sometimes squelch my own personal preferences so as not to seem rude. As much as I have enjoyed everything so far, today I am happy to have some quiet time to myself. One of my dinner hosts last night gave me an entire itinerary of interesting things to see and do in Hong Kong today. If I were more adventuresome and brave I would be out exploring the sites of the city. As it is, I'm an introvert and a bit timid so I am spending the day in my hotel room reading a book and catching up on some blog reading. I hope I'll have some time to explore on Monday or Tuesday evening (I'd really like to visit Victoria's Peak, especially), but today I need the rest.

I'll spend the next two days in meetings, building relationships with publishers and showing them our newest books. I'm looking forward to visiting with these people, but I'm looking forward to going home on Wednesday even more. Traveling can be fun, but "there's no place like home."

First Day of School

2008-08-29T15:27:00.009-05:00

Josiah and Elijah started school this week. Here are some photos.

This is Elijah waiting for the bus. He refused to stand still for photos. His bus didn't show up and I forgot to bring the camera to school with me, so these are the only "first day" photos I have of Elijah.

If Josiah looks a little nervous, it's because he was.

Josiah was really happy to find out that his friend from our neighborhood is in his class this year.
This is Josiah meeting his teacher for the first time.

Fun in the Sun (and Sand)!

2008-08-14T16:46:00.006-05:00

Last weekend we took the kids to the Indiana Dunes. The water was closed due to the risk of rip tides, but we still had a lot of fun.

A Confession

2008-08-05T12:23:00.008-05:00

I have a confession to make. Not everything I do is for the enrichment of my children. Sometimes I do things just because it's something I enjoy.

At a recent event I attended one young mother mentioned how her sisters' lives seem to revolve around their children and the various activities they are enrolled in. One mom mentioned that it would be good for our kids to have one night a week where they can't participate in outside activities because it is mom's night to do something. Another mom mentioned that her friend tells her children that date night with her husband is "to make sure you are happy."

As I drove home from the event I thought about the idea of explaining date night to our kids as something we do to keep them happy. Explaining alone time with my spouse in this way, I realized, would actually reinforce the idea the world revolves around our kids. While it may be true that maintaining a happy marriage will help my children remain happy, the main reason I spend time alone with my spouse is that I really like him. I enjoy having uninterrupted conversations with him that allow us to connect at deeper levels than "When was the last time we changed Elijah's diaper?" or "Have you seen Josiah's backpack?"

The same is true of other activities that take me away from home. I enjoy taking sign language classes, leading worship and having coffee with friends. I could explain to our kids that I am a better mom when I am able to pursue activities I enjoy, but I think it may be better to simply tell them, "I am doing this because it is something I enjoy."

I can't do everything that I enjoy all the time. Sometimes I decide not to do something because I would rather spend time with my family or because my kids need me to be with them. I enjoy being with my kids and I want them to feel loved and to know that they are important to me. And I am intentional about making sure that I am frequently home with my kids. At the same time, I want them to know that I am more than just their mom. God has given me gifts to serve both my family and the world around me. Having children may require modifying my activities, but it doesn't mean that I have to hit the pause button on my life indefinitely.

Having a child with special needs can sometimes exacerbate this issue. Children with special needs often require more of our time and energy. We may become so wrapped up in helping and advocating for our children, that we allow their diagnosis to become a primary part of our identity. If mothers of typical children are tempted to believe that their kids can't survive even one evening a week without them, imagine how mothers of children with special needs often feel, especially when our children require special medical care.

But when we lose our own identities to our children we are not the only ones who lose something. Our churches and communities lose out too. They may lose out because we are not using our gifts to serve, but they may also lose the opportunity of using their gifts to serve us. And, if we are so worried about our children that we do not allow them to spend time in someone else's care, they may lose out on the opportunity to learn about our kids and how to love and serve people with special needs.

I just signed up for a second class in sign language this fall. I'll be out of the house on Wednesday evenings from late October through early December and the kids will be spending a little more time with Al or, in some cases, with a babysitter. But that's okay. I enjoy learning sign language. The kids will survive without me for one night a week.

The Tooth Fairy's on Vacation

2008-07-10T12:51:00.003-05:00

Josiah recently lost his two front teeth. The first came out while he was eating a piece of toast. We washed it off and put it into his special tooth treasure chest and tucked it under his pillow for the tooth fairy to retrieve. I had a sign language class that evening and by the time I came home the kids were in bed and I had completely forgotten about Josiah's tooth.

I was in Josiah's room when he woke up the next day. He squinted at me and asked, "Is it morning?"

"Yep, it's morning. You can get up if you want to."

Josiah brought his hand out from under his pillow. He was holding the treasure box with the tooth still inside, "Why is my tooth still here?"

Thinking quickly I said, "Oh! I mean, it's still night. Go back to sleep!" Once his eyes were closed I rushed into my bedroom and rooted around my dresser for a quarter. I found one and sprinted back to his room where I tucked it under his pillow while retrieving the tooth. Phew!

"Um, mom? That was you, not the tooth fairy."

"I know. The tooth fairy is on vacation and asked me to take care of things, but I forgot. I'm sorry."

Josiah looked at me askance, but didn't make further comment.

That weekend his other front tooth came out while he was playing with friends at church. He ran over to me and showed me that his tooth had come out. I washed it off and put it in my purse for safe keeping. Josiah then went to the sanctuary where he walked up and down the middle aisle, smiling as largley as possible to show off his missing teeth until I realized what he was doing and had him sit down (church was about to start).

After church he continued to show off his missing teeth. A couple of people asked if he was going to put his tooth under his pillow for the tooth fairy. Josiah responded flatly, "It's just my mom, not the tooth fairy."

Oh well. I guess he to find out eventually.

At Home with Down Sydrome

2008-07-03T16:18:00.005-05:00

Al just sent me a link to a nice article about Down Syndrome in The New Atlantis. This is a very nice article exploring recent books about living with Down Syndrome. I highly recommend the article.

At Home with Down Syndrome by Caitrin Nicol

I love the beginning of the article explaining the possible origins of a painting by Andrea Mantegna, who may have used a child with Down Syndrome as a model for the Christ child. I came across this painting in a book while I was still pregnant and dealing with Elijah's diagnosis of Down Syndrome. It was immensely encouraging to me.

I've read most of the books reviewed in the article. I think my favorite book of those reviewed is Gifts edited by Kathryn Lynard Soper. This is a terrific book for families who have just learned that their child has Down Syndrome.

Meme: 7 Things About Me

2008-06-25T17:05:00.010-05:00

My husband, Al, tagged me with a meme. Here are the rules:

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as
links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

So, here are seven facts about me:

1. I have a huge sweet tooth. When I was a kid I walked six or seven blocks in a snow storm (school was cancelled due to the weather) to buy two candy bars and a coke. My mom would give me quarters so I could call her from school and was always upset when I couldn't call her because I used all of my quarters in the soda machines. Fortunately, I have strong teeth and very few cavities. Our six year old, on the other hand, inherited my sweet tooth but not my strong teeth and has a number of cavities. (I'm munching on M & Ms while I write this).

2. I am learning American Sign Language. We have purchased a number of Signing Time DVDs for Elijah, who uses a combination of sign language and speech to communicate (his speech is delayed) and I've found that I really enjoy signing. I've been signing the liturgy songs at church for awhile now and decided to take an ASL class at College of DuPage. I am thrilled that our church's children's ministry director is taking the class with me!

3. I totalled my parent's car one month after I received my driver's license. I was following a friend home late at night on a country road and took a curve way too fast. I haven't been in a car accident since then (I also get nervous if someone I am riding with takes a curve faster than usual).

4. My biggest fear is that something horrible will happen to our kids. I usually don't express my fears aloud, but when I do mention them to Al he usually thinks I'm really weird. Last night I worried that Elijah would strangle himself in the safety rail of his bed. Al, of course, thought I was weird when I expressed my concern. Elijah was fine and we actually got a decent night of sleep since he didn't fall out of bed even once.

5. I am very organized at work, but less so at home. I think this is because once I get home from work I no longer have enough energy left to deal with things like filing and organizing. I do try to keep the floors clean, but that just means our dining room table is laden with books, old mail and various school papers. There is also a very cluttered corner on our kitchen cabinet and other trouble spots that seem to overflow with paper and other things.

6. I have a strong sense of justice. This means I am drawn to organizations such as International Justice Mission. It also means that I can get pretty angry if I feel like I have been wronged. When we moved to our current house we reserved a U Haul moving truck, but when we went to pick it up it was not available. We quickly rented a truck from a different company. I was angry, but didn't lose my temper. Until, that is, we learned that U Haul still charged us $50 for the reservation. I was livid and made numerous calls to their customer service department until a refund was issued. I may look nice, but you don't want to cross me. Just ask Al (he gets to listen to my side of these phone calls).

7. I am an introvert and somewhat shy. In high school the simple act of talking to a boy (whether I liked him or not) made me blush. This is why I can say with confidence that Al asked me out on our first date! (see number five of Al's meme). I would have been way too shy to ask him to take me to a movie unless it was utterly clear to me that he was actually asking me out.

So now I am supposed to tag seven other people. I'm an introvert though and I can't think of more than three folks to tag that haven't already been tagged by Al. Here they are:

Llama Momma

Shannon Farrier

Julie Kouri

Marker Woes

2008-06-16T10:46:00.003-05:00

Yesterday Josiah bought a book on how to draw Transformers. I read my own book while he sat at the kitchen table and worked on his drawings. After a while he came out and said, "I'm tired. Can you finish the drawing?" I refused for awhile, but after 30 minutes I gave in and agreed to help him if he sat with me. He had done a pretty good job, there were just too many steps and it was taking more time than he wanted. After a few minutes of working on the picture, Josiah moved over to work on a different picture.

I was wrapped up in drawing Optimus Prime when Josiah came over with a wet piece of paper. He had drawn the symbols for the Autobots and the Decepticons and was working on coloring one of them with purple marker. "Josiah, why is your paper all wet." When he looked up at me I could see tears beginning to well up. "It's not coming out."

"Oh, honey," I said, "marker doesn't come out of paper."

He walked to the counter to check the marker and then cried, "But the marker says 'washable'!"

I explained the marker was referring to washing out of clothes, not paper. He was disappointed, but went back to work on his art. A few minutes later he came over with a dripping red marker.

"Josiah, is the marker all wet?"

"Yes. I think the red is all gone."

"Did you put the marker under the water?"

"Yes. It had stuff on it... Can you put the red back?" He was clearly upset (again).

"I'm sorry, buddy, I can't put the red back," I said as tears started rolling down his cheeks. "Put the cap back on the marker and let it sit for awhile. Maybe it will be okay if we don't use it for a few minutes."

A little while later Al came home from a used bookstore. He proudly showed me a couple of new CDs he picked up. Then he said, "Look!" and proudly held up a copy of The Adventures of Harold and the Purple Crayon. (At this point I should mention that Elijah has vandalized our house with a purple marker twice already. Once all over our downstairs, including our formerly white furniture, and more recently all over our upstairs. He wrote on the walls, the carpet, the refrigerator, his pillow...practically everything. Most of it came out, but it was still pretty frustrating.)

I looked at Al in disbelief. "You bought The Adventures of Harold and the Purple Crayon for a child who has taken his own adventures with a purple marker twice already?! Do you really want to encourage that?" Al gasped in sudden realization and quickly dropped the book in our kitchen garbage (which, conveniently, was right next to him).

We all laughed. Al retrieved the book and went to hide it somewhere until Elijah gets a little older and has more self-control.

To Sleep or Not to Sleep

2008-06-13T14:27:00.006-05:00

As I mentioned earlier, Elijah has outgrown his crib. We quickly converted his crib to a toddler bed and surrounded it with pillows until he learned how to stay in bed without falling out. Three months later he is still falling out of bed multiple times each night. Each time he falls out of bed, we get up and gently settle him back into bed.

Tired of, well, being tired all of the time, Al and decided to buy a bunk bed. We thought between having a larger bed and adding a safety rail we could get Elijah to stay in bed and that we might actually get some full nights of sleep again. So last Sunday we went to IKEA and found a reasonably priced bunk bed and brought it home. It was bedtime when we got home so we left the boxed bed downstairs. Al left Monday morning for a trip and I thought I would wait until he got home to put the bed together.

On Monday I was excited about the new bed and had the day off anyway, so I thought I would start getting things ready for the new bed while Al was gone. I started by rearranging the toy room so we could move Josiah's old bed into it. Then I decided I may was well move Josiah's old bed while I was at it. Then, since Elijah has been sleeping on his crib mattress on the floor anyway, I decided to take apart his crib and put into storage. Once I finished that I realized it was only mid-afternoon.

To make a long story short, I ended up assembling the new bunk bed and rearranging the toy room and the boy's bedroom on Monday afternoon. I did most of the work by myself while the kids occupied themselves watching videos and playing on their own. Josiah helped a bit when I got into a bit of a fix. I kept saying "Dangit!" when something didn't work quite right and Josiah kept responding, "Mommy, that's a bad word. Please don't use bad words anymore."

Josiah also used part of the time I was busy working on the bed to crumble some of the styrofoam packing all over the house! I knew he was up to something when I heard him
laughing nefariously (seriously - he was cackling while he went around on his crumbling mission). Elijah used part of the time to dump foam alphabet stickers all over the family room. By bedtime I had finished building the bed, cleaned up the toy room, bedroom and family room and vacuumed most of the styrofoam up. Oh yeah, I also did a few loads of laundry. The next day I woke up tired, bruised and sore. Actually, I'm still bruised and sore.

To make matters worse, I'm still tired. Why? I found out that you can't use a safety rail on a bunk bed. It's not safe. (sigh). Thinking I was oh-so-smart I put the mattress crib on the floor next to the bunk bed and put the safety rail on the crib mattress. I figured if Elijah fell out of the bottom bunk he would land comfortably on the crib mattress and that the safety rail would keep him from rolling onto the floor (and waking us up). Not so. He woke me up two or three times last night. He falls comfortably onto the crib mattress and then ends up scooting off the head or foot of the mattress, which are still open. Then he kicks the floor to sooth himself back to sleep, which always wakes me up and I just can't leave him sleeping on the floor without feeling guilty. Well, that and I can't fall back to sleep with all of that incessant foot banging!

So, our investment of approximately $400 and 6 hours of hard labor for a good nights sleep resulted in a battered and bruised body and a new bed that both kids think is fun. It did not, however, result in better sleep for Elijah or for the rest of us. Oh well. He has to learn how to stay in his bed all night eventually, right? Until then don't be surprised if I'm a little tired and grumpy.

Forgiven

2008-06-06T16:45:00.003-05:00

I was able to visit my parent's on Mother Day weekend and gave my mom a copy of my apology. After reading through it she sniffled a bit and gave me a hug. A few minutes later she commented, "Ellen, do you realize how little any of the things you apologized for really mattered? When I read your apology for wrecking the car I had to stop and think for a minute before I remembered what you were even referring to. I had forgotten it even happened."

This reminds me of how God's forgiveness works. When I go back to God apologizing for something again and again I wonder if he looks at me gently and thinks, "You know, I'd completely forgotten about that until you brought it up again."

The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust. (Psalm 103: 8-14)

An Apology

2008-05-09T12:41:00.004-05:00

I would like to apologize to my mom. I'm sorry for all the times that I did not listen to you. I'm sorry for all the times when I embarrassed you in public. I'm sorry that I sometimes I avoided being with you or said mean things to you. I'm sorry for sometimes running out of the house in a huff and not telling you where I was going. I'm sorry for the time I poked wholes in wall with my baton. I'm sorry for wrecking your car. And if I ever wrote on your furniture with markers, I am really, really sorry (now I know how frustrating that is!)

In my defense, I never fully understood how deep a mother's love is until I became a mother myself. Last week I was reminded of how very, very much I love my kids. Then it occurred to me that you probably love me in the same way. Wow! I've always known that you love me. You made a point of telling that you loved us every single day and I haven't forgotten. I just never realized how deeply you love me until now.

So, thank you for all the ways you have shown your love. Thank you for the times you let me eat the last Dilly Bar. Thank you for buying me nice dresses for special occassions. Thank you for putting up with me when I was angry, frustrated, grumpy, sad or just plain silly. Thank you for buying me the little trophy at the pageant. Thank you for painting over the football wallpaper in my bedroom with pretty shades of blue that matched my bedspread. Thank you for driving me to summer camp, college and other far off places. Thank you for letting us back track two hours when I left my purse in a restaurant on vacation. And thanks for understanding how important that was to me at the time. Thank you for taking care of me when I was sick. Thank you for always supporting and encouraging me. Thank you for not being completely perfect. It gives me hope that my kids will turn out okay, too. Thank you for loving me so well. Thank you for teaching me to love. You're a great mom and I love you.

I'm an Artist!

2008-05-05T11:30:00.004-05:00

Like many kids, Josiah enjoys drawing and coloring. His bedroom walls are quickly filling with the fruit of his crayons, markers and creativity. Yesterday he drew a picture and then proudly proclaimed, "I'm an artist! I once was a little boy, but then I drew and drew some more and now I am an artist. I don't wear an artist hat though. I may only be a little boy, but my art is big!"

Oh to have his confidence. We talked briefly about how everyone in our family is an artist (Papa is an author, Mommy sings and Elijah's at least learning to draw), but I would never describe myself as an artist to someone else. I might say that I enjoy singing and that I like stamping my own cards, but to call myself an artist would seem like a stretch. And yet, in many ways, I am an artist. We all are in one way or another.

Later in the day I was working on stamping some cards and Josiah asked to help. I'm a little too protective of my own creative works to let him help with my cards, so I put him to work creating his own cards. He observed different techniques I used and wanted to try them all. I had to work on my sharing skills since my stamping supplies are more expensive than his, but we worked things out pretty well. He particularly enjoyed making Transformers "postage" stamps for use on future letters.

Our art may not be displayed outside our mother's homes, but Josiah and I are both artists, even if one of us is reluctant to admit it.

Wrong Number

2008-04-22T13:24:00.000-05:00

The other day I tried to call Al at the office to ask him a question. I was surprised when a woman answered the phone, quickly apologized for dialing the wrong number and hung up. As I was hanging up I thought, "Wait! Her voice sounded familiar..." I glanced at the LCD display of the number I had just called and quickly redialed.

"Hi Mom. That was me. I didn't mean to crank call you. I was trying to call Al and dialed the wrong number." We both had a good laugh.

Photos of Elijah's Birthday and First Day of School

2008-04-16T13:42:00.007-05:00

Here are some photos of Elijah's birthday and his first day of school:

Yay! I'm finally three years old!

Trying to put on a new shirt.

Birthday cake, yum!

Yay! I finally get to go to school!

Isn't his backpack cute?

Bus Woes

2008-04-16T12:39:00.006-05:00

We have decided to have both of our kids take the bus to school. Our decision is based on a number of factors including what is best for the kids, what works best in our daily schedule, safety and what is best for the environment. As well thought out as our reasons may be, I am still feeling mommy guilt and recent situations with the bus have only increased my anxieties.

When Josiah started taking the bus to school we had problems with the bus not showing up because he was new to the route and they forgot about him. This winter the bus was extremely late a number of times due to substitute drivers who did not know the route very well. So, we knew there might be some glitches, but were hopeful that things might go well. This was not be.

Elijah started preschool last week and we've been waiting for the bus company to call and tell us when they would begin providing bus service for Elijah. We had not received any calls so I left for work yesterday thinking that Elijah's grandma would drive him to and from school again (I'm stuck in meetings for work most of this week and can't be home as much as usual). So, when the school called at 2:40 and told me that Elijah was stuck on the bus because there was no one home for the bus driver to drop him off, I freaked out a little. Okay, a lot. ("What?! I didn't even know he was on the bus today! Why didn't anyone call?!")

After a frantic phone call I learned that Elijah was already at home at that his grandma had driven him both to and from school. Apparently, the driver was new to the route and did not know the kids by sight and had misunderstood which kid was actually on the bus. Eek! When I told Al about my conversation with his mom, he laughed and said she probably thought I was crazy. ("Mom? Where are you?! Elijah's still on the bus and they said you're not home!...No, not Josiah, Elijah! He's stuck on the bus!")

Later the bus company left a message saying that they would begin Elijah on the bus on Wednesday. I called back that evening to remind them that Elijah needs a safety vest and to make sure I knew as much information as possible about what to expect.

Today I received another phone call, this time from Elijah's grandma. The bus arrived on time, but they did not have a safety vest for Elijah. Thankfully, Grandma said she would not allow Elijah on the bus without a safety vest. Unfortunately, I did not think to leave my car keys at home which meant that she had to transfer the car seat from my car to her own, which is not an easy task. She seemed very flustered and kept mentioning that she does not trust the bus company. This, of course, simply adds to both my anxiety and my sense of guilt. sigh.

I called the school to explain that Elijah would be late and to complain about the bus. They are working to remedy the situation.

On the bright side, Elijah's principal called to tell me how well Elijah is doing in class. She had just visited his class briefly and mentioned that he sat for most of the circle time. She also mentioned that one of the teacher's aide's said that Elijah is "really smart." Yay, Elijah! I really like our school. I just wish the bus company was a little more reliable.

Elijah is Three!

2008-04-10T17:15:00.003-05:00

This has been a significant week for Elijah. His Individualized Education Plan (IEP) meeting with his school was on Monday, his third birthday on Tuesday and his first day of preschool on Wednesday!

We are very pleased with the IEP and the services that Elijah will receive. Our school district has been very easy to work with so far. Elijah's birthday was fun, but low-key. Al's mom and brother came over for dinner and we had cake and presents. Josiah had fun helping Elijah open his gifts and Elijah had fun throwing his arms in the air and yelling "Yay!" when we wished him a happy birthday.

Elijah's first day of school went well. He was a little nervous when I dropped him off, but had a good day. His teacher reported that he was happy and that he enjoyed exploring the room. I had a much harder time. I was able to hold my smile while dropping him off but started crying as soon as I got in my car to drive to work. Once I got to work I bawled in my office for awhile. He's just so small and he's our last child and he's starting preschool earlier than Josiah did... It all added up to a traumatic couple of hours for me. I felt much better once Al picked Elijah up from school and called to assure me that Elijah had a good first day. I think Elijah will really enjoy school once he gets used to the new setting and the new people.

Quick Quotes from Josiah

2008-03-25T06:28:00.007-05:00

The other day Josiah came home from school and said, "Guess what!"

"What?"

"An older girl on the bus called me a cutie... I didn't mind. She's going to sit next to me tomorrow."

(I love the "I didn't mind" part!)

--

While looking at his chest in the mirror Josiah noticed his ribs. I said, "Do know what ribs are for?" (I was planning to explain how they protect his heart and lungs).

He responded, "They make women."

It took me a few seconds to realize he was thinking about how God used one of Adam's ribs to create Eve.

Sleepwalking

2008-03-25T06:19:00.004-05:00

I woke up at 3:00 this morning to the sound of someone closing the refrigerator. A quick glance to my left confirmed that Al was still in bed so I quickly got up to investigate. I found Elijah sleeping in the hallway outside the kitchen and a jar of applesauce (his favorite food) sitting on the kitchen table.

At 4:00 this morning I thought I saw Elijah walk past our bedroom door. I worried that he might fall down the stairs in his sleep and struggled to wake up or at least wake Al up. I thought, "I have to get him! I have to get him!" When I finally woke up I realized I had been dreaming. I got up to check on Elijah. It was dark and I couldn't see very well. I leaned forward to look into the hallway and bonked my head on our closed bedroom door. Al woke up when I said, "Ow!" a little too loudly. Elijah, of course, was sound asleep in his bed. I wasn't able to fall asleep again.

On a happier note, on Sunday Elijah walked up to me at our church Easter celebration, signed "Love" and gave me a big hug. That was the first time Elijah told me he loved me. It made an already wonderful day even better!

Goodbye Crib

2008-03-10T17:33:00.008-05:00

I was talking on the phone during Elijah's nap on Saturday when I heard a thud. I thought he had thrown a book or something out of his crib, but then I heard some scuffling. When I went to check on him, Elijah met me at his bedroom door! I practically hung up on my friend, exclaiming, "Oh! He got out his crib! I have to go." He had climbed out (even with his cast) and was ready to play. Fortunately, he wasn't hurt or even upset by the fall. I spent the rest of his nap time converting the crib to a toddler bed. We are keeping pillows around his bed until he learns how to sleep in the toddler bed without falling out.

He fell out of bed twice the first night. I awoke to a soft thumping (he self-soothes by bumping his head or foot on the mattress). I could tell he was thumping against the floor instead of the mattress. I got up to check on him and sure enough, he was sleeping on the floor. He barely even woke up either time. I gently put him back in bed.

The next day I was away during his nap time. I came home to this:

(note the pillows near his bed)

Elijah clearly was not interested in napping and since Al had closed the door, he decided it would be fun to throw everything on the floor. Sigh. I suspect that he will either stop taking naps most days or that we will have to monitor him until he falls asleep each afternoon.

It's kind-of bittersweet. On the one hand I'm proud that he is growing into a "big boy" and is ready for the toddler bed. On the other hand, we probably don't have any more babies and it's a little sad to say goodbye to the crib (and all of the sweet baby things associated with a crib).

Silly Syllabus

2008-03-05T16:51:00.003-06:00

This is the syllabus Josiah and I created for the class Al had to take on being silly.

Teachers: Mommy and Josiah Hsu
Date and Time: March 2, 2008 – 8:00 a.m.
Location: Team Hsu Headquarters, Basement

Objective:

This is a practical class where the objective is to learn how to be silly. You will not learn the purpose, history, theology or philosophy of silliness (although we are certain these are worthy areas of study). You will learn some very basic ways to be silly. This class will be a lot of fun.

Requirements:

You must attend two classes where you will be asked to participate in a variety of silly activities with Mommy and Josiah. You must also read two silly books and take a test.

Required Reading:

Calvin & Hobbes by Bill Watterson. Kansas City, Missouri: United Press Syndicate (1987).

The Sixth Garfield Treasury by Jim Davis. New York, NY: Ballantine Books (1991).

Class Schedule:

Class one: Mommy Hsu

1. Laughing. We will begin with the basics. The whole point of being silly is to laugh and/or to make someone else laugh. We will practice a variety of laughs including: giggling, happy laughing, belly laughing and super silly laughing.

2. Tickling. While you are not required to enjoy being tickled, it is important to master the skill of tickling someone else. Mommy and Josiah will demonstrate the fine art of tickling, including the “Bumble Bee Poke”. You will then be asked to tickle Josiah until he can’t stop laughing.

3. Silly faces and funny voices. One of the quickest ways of making someone smile, is making a silly face and talking in a funny voice. We will practice making silly faces and talking in funny voices.

4. Goofy dances. You will learn the “Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Cock-a-doodle-doo” dance and practice making up your own silly dance to music.

Class two: Josiah Hsu

1. Telling silly jokes. Everyone loves a good joke. Josiah will teach you some silly jokes.

2. Goofy noises. Our bodies are capable of an astounding variety of giggle-inducing sounds. Josiah will be your guide as you explore a number of noises you can make.

3. Funny motions. You will learn how to do funny motions by participating in a silly, silly game of Simon Says.

4. Silly games. You will learn silly games like the “High Five, Low Five,” “Smoosh the Lump” and “Kid Salad” (tossing kids on the bed).

Final Test:

At the end of the classes you will demonstrate your mastery of silliness by taking a test in which you will be asked to act very silly. You will be graded by how much you make Mommy and Josiah laugh and by causing them to exclaim, “You’re so silly!”

(This was a pass/fail class. You will be happy to hear that Al passed).

Silly

2008-02-26T09:22:00.002-06:00

This morning I recieved the following email from our six year old:

Papa signed up. I am telling you that Papa signed up for a test about being silly. This is for you, Mommy. Guess what, Mommy. It's six long. Two classes for six. We both get halves.

Love,
Josiah

Here is Al's explanation:

(Josiah says I need to take a class to learn how to be silly. He and you will teach me how to tickle. My first class is 8:00 on Sunday).

I love the way kids think!

Hopes Dashed?

2008-02-22T17:09:00.004-06:00

I had hoped that we could raise both of our kids without either of them breaking any bones. On Wednesday, my hopes we dashed. While I was in the shower (of all places!) Elijah pulled the sofa table over and broke his foot. After hearing Elijah's cries I quickly dried off while asking Josiah to check on Elijah and tell me why he was crying. After a couple of seconds Josiah yelled, "Oh oh! The table is knocked over!" I put on a robe and ran downstairs as fast as I could.

Elijah was sitting on the floor, wailing, a couple of feet from the sofa table which was on its side. I, astute observer that I am, quickly deduced that he had pulled the table and hurt himself. I immediately pulled Elijah into my lap, comforting him while checking for injuries. His left foot was slightly swelled and had bruise across the top. Elijah stopped crying after a couple of minutes and tried to toddle off, but he fell down crying when he put weight on his foot.

I brought Elijah upstairs and convinced Josiah to get dressed. I called our pediatrician and they said to bring Elijah straight to the ER. So I bundled the kids up and drove to the ER where we spent the remainder of the morning. Both kids were remarkably well behaved. Elijah stopped crying in the car and was content to sit in his stroller and look at books. Josiah read books, colored and said things to cheer me up. At one point Josiah said that he had stubbed his toe and then told the nurse, "Don't worry. I don't need first aid." They were able to x-ray Elijah's foot without taking him out of the stroller. After more waiting the doctor confirmed that Elijah's foot was fractured and he would need a cast.

I took Elijah to the orthopaedist and they put a little, light blue cast on Elijah's foot. The fracture is in a good place (not a growth plate) and should heal in approximately four weeks. I the cast might slow Elijah down for a couple of weeks, but he's already figured out how to get around with the cast. He's also learning how to use the cast as a weapon (Al said Elijah kicked him this afternoon).

After getting home from the hospital, I immediately set my alarm clock for 6:40 (half an hour before the kids usually wake up) in an attempt to avoid similar situations in the future. Today Elijah woke up at 6:20 a.m. Go figure.

So we can cross broken bones off the list of things I hope to avoid. The longer I live, the more things I have to cross of this list. The interesting thing is, the more the things I fear happen,
the more I learn that God is able to help us through any and every situation. As I reflected back on the day Wednesday evening, I realized that I experienced God most that day while taking care of Elijah and his foot. I know that God is with me always, but I am most aware of his presence when I am in need. My hopes to avoid any broken bones was dashed, but God, my true hope, will never fail.

We Are One!

2008-02-13T17:28:00.004-06:00

Last night I was talking with Al about our Valentine's Day plans. I was asking if I should tell him my plans or if he wanted it to be a surprise. "Oh," he says, "Well, I have plans too. Is your plan something we could schedule, like I do mine and then you do yours or something." Since my plan wasn't really easy to schedule I decided to simply tell him.

"I'm borrowing a friend's fondue set and thought we could wait to eat dinner until after the kids are in bed. Is that okay?" He looked at me kind of funny. "Won't that work with your plan?" I asked. He hemmed and hawed for a few minutes and eventually left. He came back with a large gift bag.

"Oh no!" I cried. "You got me a fondue set?!" I opened the gift and he had indeed got me a Hershey's fondue set with a bag of chocolate. "I even have a little list of all the foods I was going to buy to go with this; large marshmallows, pound cake, angel food cake..." I pulled a crumpled piece of paper from my pocket, "You mean something like this?" My list of supplies was very similar to his.

What can I say, after ten years of marriage we really are one! And this isn't the first time something like this has happened. We both got each other the same card on our first wedding anniversary.

Elijah's Favorite Activities

2008-02-12T17:22:00.001-06:00

Elijah loves videos! He is particularly fond of Blue's Clues, The Wiggles and one particular episode of Barney. His favorite activity with the videos is watching them. He is fully capable of finding a video, putting it into the TV/VCR, stopping, rewinding, fast-forwarding and ejecting videos. His second favorite activity (or perhaps a frustrating by-product of his favorite) is pulling the videos off the shelf, out of their cases and onto the floor.

Another of Elijah's favorite activities is pulling toys out of the toy bin and pushing them into the space under the piano keyboard. If we want to play the piano at our house, we first have to kick all of the toys out of the way (or, if we're really energetic, put them back into the toy bins). The other day I spent 20 minutes putting all of the toys back into their bins. Then, while I was making lunch, Elijah emptied all of the toys right back under the piano.

And finally, Elijah has taken to throwing his plate of food across the kitchen when he doesn't like something or is finished eating. This frustrates Al even more than it does me (wasting food is worse than making a mess to him).

Some days I am incredibly frustrated by Elijah's seeming to desire to make large messes. I am not fond of putting 30 videos back into their cases and onto the shelves and am even less fond of sorting toys into bins and wiping spaghetti sauce off the floor. And doing any of these two or three times a day can be close to torture. On other days I am too preoccupied to take much notice. I end up cleaning the messes either way (which is not to say that Al doesn't clean up messes too, just that I clean up the messes Elijah makes while I'm watching him).

On good days, I am able to focus on Elijah enough so that he is occupied with more useful tasks like putting together puzzles, identifying words and objects or pretending to cook. I wish I had the time and energy to focus on Elijah all of the time, but that simply isn't possible. There are meals to cook, floors to clean and other people in my family who need me. Actually, I'm thankful that Elijah is able to play on his own and doesn't demand constant attention. Now, if I can just encourage him to clean up the house instead of making messes... hmmm, I suspect that won't be happening any time soon though.

Books

2008-01-25T17:23:00.000-06:00

I was recently tagged by Llama Momma to list some favorite books. I have a hard time choosing favorites whether it's movies, songs or books (it's too hard to decide on just one!), but here is my list.

1. One book that changed your life:
The Story of Christian Theology by Roger Olson. This is the book that convinced me to attend seminary. I read a TON of fiction after graduating from college. I picked this book up shortly after it was published in 1999 and enjoyed it so much I thought, "Hey, if I enjoy reading about historical theology, maybe I should go back to school!" And that's exactly what I did. One result of attending seminary was that we decided to become Anglicans. And thus, my life was changed.

2. One book that you have read more than once:
Till We Have Faces by C. S. Lewis

3. One book you would want on a desert island:
Other than The Bible (NLT), I would like to have The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis.

4. Two books that made you laugh:
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Waterson (actually, any Calvin and Hobbes books make me laugh)

5. One book that made you cry:
The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards

6. One book you wish you'd written:
I have no idea. Sorry.

7. One book you wish had never been written:
Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen. I'm not sure why I read this. The story was somewhat interesting, but a lot of the scenes were not edifying and I probably would have been better off never reading the book.

8. Two books you are currently reading:
The Attentive Life by Leighton Ford
The Stone Diaries by Carol Shields

9. One book you've been meaning to read:
Water from a Deep Well by Gerald L. Sittser

I think I'm supposed to tag some more people, so now it's your turn Becky and Lisa! Have fun ;)

Getting Ready

2008-01-16T16:55:00.000-06:00

Elijah will celebrate his third birthday in April. He will also begin preschool. Last week we met with a representative from our school district to discuss the transition from Early Intervention to Early Childhood (preschool), from an Individualized Family Service Plan (IFSP) to an Individualized Education Plan (IEP). The meeting went well and I look forward to working with the school district to help Elijah reach his full potential in school.

When I talk with other families about their experiences creating an IEP with their school district, I sometimes get the sense that their relationship with the school district is somewhat adversarial. It almost seems as if the families expect the school district to give them a bad deal and to deny services that their children need. I am choosing to enter the process assuming that the school district wants to work with us to provide the services Elijah needs. I have to believe that the teachers, therapists and other professionals involved in early childhood education want what is best for all of the children in their care. We may not always agree about what specific services should be offered, but I hope to build a relationship of mutual trust and respect where we can discuss differing opinions without animosity.

I truly want what is best for Elijah and am prepared to advocate for services I think he really needs. At the same time, I think building a good relationship with the school district is important to this goal. If I am pleasant and willing to work with the district to coordinate Elijah's education, I am hopeful that the district will do whatever they can to return the favor. If I am angry and difficult to work with before we even have a disagreement, I can't imagine that they will be eager to work with me. Advocating for my child does not necessarily mean I have to put up a good fight. It does mean I have to know my child, including his strengths and weaknesses, and communicate those things effectively. It also means understanding the IEP process and our families legal rights and doing my best to form a good working relationship with those involved so we can work together to meet Elijah's needs.

The next few months should be interesting. Elijah will be assessed by a team of professionals who will probably focus on his weaknesses more than his strengths (they are, after all, determining if he needs extra help). Once they determine if Elijah is eligible for services, we will meet to discuss which services he needs, to create goals for his education and then to create specific plans on how to reach those goals. And at the end of it all I have to send Elijah off to preschool. I am sure preschool will be very good for him, but I'm glad I have another few months to get used to the idea. Sending Josiah to school for the first time was hard. This will be harder.

"Beneficial"

2008-01-11T10:07:00.000-06:00

I not usually outspoken about my pro-life views, but once in a while I come across something that strikes me as worth commenting about. For example, I just came across an article that was published in June that reported:

Nice, France: Non-invasive screening of pregnant women with ultrasound early in pregnancy, combined with maternal blood analysis, has reduced the number of children born in Denmark with Down Syndrome by 50%, a scientist will tell the annual conference of the European Society of Human Genetics today. Professor Karen Brøndum-Nielsen, of the Kennedy Institute, Glostrup, Denmark, will say that another benefit of the introduction of this procedure in her country was a drop in the number of invasive pre-natal diagnostic procedures from 11% to approx. 6% of pregnancies.
Noninvasive screening in early pregnancy reduces Down's births by 50 percent

What the article doesn't say is that the 50% reduction in the number of children born with Down Syndrome in Denmark must be due to abortion. I already know that a high percentage of babies who are diagnosed with Down Syndrome prior to birth are aborted (I have read percentages as high as 80% to 90%).

What disturbs me most about the above quote is the assumption that a reduction in children born with Down Syndrome is beneficial. I wonder if researchers would make the same claim about other diagnoses that are given after birth. For example, would we consider a 50% reduction in those who suffer from cancer to be beneficial if the only cure was to euthanize those who are diagnosed? I don't think so.

I wish we were less concerned about reducing the number of people with disabilities and more concerned about valuing all people and doing our best to provide people with the opportunity to live fulfilling lives. I wish we could focus less on what people are not able to do and more on what they can do. I wish all families who receive a pre-natal diagnosis had more opportunities to meet other families who have children with a similar diagnosis and to see that the things we imagine are often worse than the reality.

I think we are too quick to dismiss our own strength and our ability to handle situations we never thought we could. While I was pregnant with Elijah I did not think I could handle a child with a disability. When we received Elijah's pre-natal diagnosis of Down Syndrome I kept saying, "This is not what I wanted. This is not what I planned for our lives!" I thought caring for a special-needs child would take all of the joy out of life and leave us exhausted and weary. I could not have been more wrong.

Elijah is two and half now and brings us much more joy than frustration. Yes, sometimes we get tired, but who doesn't get tired when they have toddlers?! Elijah's laugh lights up the room and and his hugs melt my heart. Caring for Elijah has been different than caring for his older brother, but it has not been nearly as difficult as I thought it would be. I'm so very glad Elijah is a part of our family and would never in a million years consider his death to be beneficial.

Happy Birthday to Me

2008-01-04T14:02:00.000-06:00

I turn 33 years old today. While this is not a particularly significant age, it has been a year of tens. I celebrated my tenth wedding anniversary and my tenth anniversary of working at InterVarsity Press this year. So I've been thinking about how my life has changed in the past ten years.

Ten years ago, today, I was at my first InterVarsity Christian Fellowship Staff Conference, which Al and I left early to attend Les Miserables in Chicago. I had graduated from college and got married in May 1997 and was still newly married and very newly employed with InterVarsity Press as an Editorial Assistant. We were living in our first apartment with used furniture and a bunch of brand new dishes and such from the wedding. We only owned a few movies and they were all VHS. We regularly rented movies from Family Video and spent most of our evenings watching movies or reading books.

Now I am the Rights Manager at InterVarsity Press. I work fewer hours, but travel more often. Now we have two kids, one in Kindergarten and the other getting ready to start preschool. Our spoons are scratched up from getting stuck in the garbage disposal and our first set of dishes was so chipped we recently replaced them with something durable enough for our kids to drop without breaking or chipping them. We are living in our second townhouse and the furniture we bought eight years ago looks okay, but is showing wear and tear (We bought the furniture before we had kids. It's all white. Well, actually, it used to be all white). Our media cabinet is overflowing, mostly with Blue's Clues, Wiggles and Signing Time DVDs and videos. We check out the movies we want to watch from the library and spend our evenings watching movies or reading books (some things don't change!)

Within the past ten years I have earned a Master of Arts degree, endured two pregancies (one fairly easy and one somewhat difficult), attended too many funerals and learned a lot about copyright issues, Down Syndrome and worship. My prayer life has grown along with my concern for orphans and those who are treated unjustly and I have grown a little less greedy and little more patient (although God is still working on these issues within me).

All in all, I am incredibly thankful. I have a wonderful husband, two terrific kids, a loving and supportive extended family, good friends, a job I enjoy and excel at and a church we love. Life has taken some different turns than I expected and sometimes has been very difficult, but God has extended his grace and peace to me in the ordinary and extraordinary events of life. I look forward to seeing what the next ten years will bring and trust that God will be my strength and peace whatever twists and turns life may take.

Is That a Toothbrush In Your Ear?

2007-12-28T16:49:00.000-06:00

While getting ready for work this morning I glanced at my husband, Al. For a second I thought he was on the phone. No. He was holding a tooth brush to his ear. (To his ear, not in his ear). I was getting ready to call a psychiatrist for him when I realized that he was trying to listen to our six-year olds new toothbrush play the "Star Wars" theme song.

Merry Christmas 2007

2007-12-18T07:09:00.000-06:00

Advent greetings to you! We hope that this finds you well and that you have had a good 2007. The highlight of our year was our tenth anniversary in May. Since we’ve not vacationed much since the kids came along, we celebrated with a weeklong Hawaiian cruise! We went to five ports on four islands and visited landmarks like Volcanoes National Park, Waimea Canyon and Pearl Harbor. We tried every shipboard restaurant and Al snapped over 800 pictures. We were told, “You don’t look old enough to have been married ten years,” which we took as a compliment.

We both continue our work at InterVarsity Press, Al as an acquisitions and development editor, Ellen as rights manager. This month marks Ellen’s tenth year at IVP. We’ve done the usual mix of conferences and travel, including things in California, New England, Atlanta, Madison and Ellen’s fifth trip to Germany for the Frankfurt Book Fair.

Al did some speaking around the themes of his book The Suburban Christian, including workshops at the National Pastors Convention and the Willow Creek Group Life Conference. He also spoke at Homecoming at our undergrad alma mater, Crossroads College in Rochester, MN, and we had fun reconnecting with friends and faculty. Al has also been invited to be a regular columnist for Christianity Today in 2008! No, he’s not bumping Chuck Colson or Philip Yancey off of the back page. Al will have a one-year stint with a bimonthly column, “Kingdom Sightings,” with a general theme of looking for signs of the kingdom of God at work in culture and society. Look for his first column in the February 2008 issue.

Ellen started blogging regularly and has claimed our family blog for herself. See teamhsu.blogspot.com for her posts, many of which relate amusing episodes with our kids. She continues to lead and plan worship at our church and now also uses sign language for the lyrics to the weekly liturgical songs. She also coordinated a fair trade Christmas shopping event at Ten Thousand Villages, to provide a living wage and dignity to global artisans. We’ve also gotten into Facebook, Scrabulous and Blokus this year.

Josiah is in kindergarten now, which he enjoys thoroughly. His main hobby this year has been building with LEGOs, especially Star Wars kits. The playroom train table is now covered with minifigures and vehicles galore, from A-wing to X-wing. For his sixth birthday we went to the Star Wars exhibit at Chicago’s Museum of Science and Industry.

Elijah is now two and is a happy and healthy toddler. He loves his Signing Time and Blue’s Clues DVDs. He has a vocabulary of at least a hundred signs and is also starting to vocalize words, including the whole alphabet. His therapists are happy that he is developing well, and he no longer needs physical therapy. Elijah had minor surgery to replace the PE tubes in his ears and to open his tear ducts. We were very pleased that his neurologist gave him a clean bill of health with no ongoing worries or concerns.

On to our annual book recommendations. In fiction: We both appreciated A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini, author of The Kite Runner. Sara Gruen’s Water for Elephants was an engaging historical read about life with a traveling circus. Ellen (who has been identified as a “warrior princess”) resonated with the soccer-mom-meets-Lord-of-the-Rings fantasies The Restorer and The Restorer’s Son by Sharon Hinck. She also read several Anita Shreve novels. Al was entranced with the “new” J. R. R. Tolkien book The Children of Hurin and got a kick out of superhero homage novel Soon I Will Be Invincible by Austin Grossman. And of course we were both up into the wee hours of the morning to finish reading J. K. Rowling’s Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. (A blog post Al wrote about it ran as an article on ChristianityToday.com.)

In non-fiction: Microtrends by Mark Penn identifies fascinating new subcultures and cultural shifts. Al got into economic issues via The Small-Mart Revolution by Michael Shuman, The Travels of a T-Shirt in the Global Economy by Pietra Rivoli and The Sushi Economy by Sasha Issenberg. The World Without Us by Alan Wiseman explores what the planet would look like if people disappeared. One Red Paperclip is Kyle Macdonald’s amazing journey trading his way up from a paperclip to a house. Made to Stick by Chip Heath and Dan Heath shows why some ideas are sticky and others aren’t. The Myth of the Perfect Mother by Carla Barnhill is a healthy corrective to evangelical assumptions about motherhood, and Gary Thomas’s Sacred Marriage is likewise a helpful resource. Gifts: Mothers Reflect on How Children with Down Syndrome Enrich Their Lives is a moving compendium of real-life portraits. And The Making of Star Wars by J. W. Rinzler is a terrific behind-the-scenes look at the original film.

Most notable of this year’s religion books is D. Michael Lindsay’s Faith in the Halls of Power, an amazingly well-researched and comprehensive study of how evangelicals have become influential in elite circles of government, academia, arts/media and business. Kevin Vanhoozer’s Everyday Theology provides an introduction to cultural studies and theology of culture. Hanna Rosin’s God’s Harvard gives an inside look at Patrick Henry College’s conservative Christian subculture. David Kinnaman’s unChristian is a revealing portrait of negative perceptions of evangelical Christians. The Year of Living Biblically by A. J. Jacobs is a laugh-out-loud funny chronicle of one man’s attempt to follow the Bible as literally as possible. John Swinton’s Raging with Compassion is a pastoral reconsideration of suffering and evil. While not likely to appear on any bestseller lists, Theology and Down Syndrome by Amos Yong is a landmark contribution to disability studies and theology of disability. And two IVP books received starred reviews from Publishers Weekly – Tim Stafford’s Shaking the System on social reform movements and Gerald Sittser’s Water from a Deep Well on the history of Christian spirituality.

Our favorite children’s book this year is The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones; it’s a very thoughtful, kid-friendly narrative theology that’s engaging for parents as well. We were happy with Mo Willems’s new Elephant and Piggie series as well as his sequel Knuffle Bunny Too. Not a Box by Antoinette Portis and 365 Penguins by Jean-Luc Fromental were clever and fun. The Giant Leaf by Davy Liu is a surprising retelling of a familiar Bible narrative. Sometimes Smart Is Good by Dena Luchsinger is a bilingual story of disability and inclusion. And Josiah could not stop laughing when he first read the Sesame Street classic The Monster at the End of This Book.

That’s it for this year. The Lord bless you and keep you and grant you his peace. Shalom!

Josiah's Song

2007-12-14T13:31:00.000-06:00

At the end of our advent activity last week, Josiah said he wanted to sing a prayer. Here is the song he sang:

O Jesus you're the best king ever
You're really joyful
Jesus and God are the best ones
We worship them
They're the best glorious people ever
Jesus dies for us to save us
They saved the whole world
And they are really nice
They shine down on us
They have been the nicest guys ever
They are really nice

I imagine God peering down on Josiah with a parent's loving pride, accepting Josiah's song of praise (imperfect theology and all) with a tender smile and, perhaps, a quiet chuckle. Or maybe God shines with glorious pride at such childlike faith, laughing aloud with joy, reveling in our love for him even as we revel in God's love for us.

Identity Crisis

2007-12-07T16:29:00.000-06:00

Our family sends a letter with our Christmas cards every year. Al, the published author, writes the letter and I, the stamping enthusiast, hand make the cards. We address the envelopes together. It's a nice system. This year, however, reading the first draft created a minor personal crisis for me. Here is my internal dialogue as I read the letter:

Here's a paragraph about our anniversary trip. Al picked a nice photo. Here's a nice paragraph about Josiah and another about Elijah. Al did a nice job giving them equal space in the letter. Here's another paragraph about Al and me. OK, here's the paragraph about what I did this year. And now there's a long paragraph about all of Al's accomplishments. I'm really proud of Al. I'm glad he put this in the letter. Wait... Only two sentences of "my" paragraph are actually about me. The rest is about "us" again.

Hmmm. That kind-of stinks. I need to ask Al to fill out my paragraph a little. OK, so what did I do this year that other people will actually care about? [long moment of thinking] Hmmmm.... Well, I did...no, that's not important enough to tell everyone about. And I don't think they really care about all of the housecleaning, laundry, therapy and medical stuff I handled this year. Didn't I do anything significant this year?!

For a brief time, I felt really insignificant. I was tying my self-worth to my personal accomplishments. I didn't do anything particularly exciting this year. But my value and my significance does not come from what I do. My value lies in my identity as a child of God. My significance come from God working within me, even if that work is often done in small, routine things that don't seem all that exciting.

Many things I do may not be exciting enough to mention in our Christmas letter, but that does not mean that I am insignificant. I may not have many accomplishments to report, but that doesn't mean I haven't done anything important. Faithfulness is not always flashy. In fact, faithfulness often requires commitment to tedious, daily tasks that no one cares about unless they are not done (like doing laundry, making meals and, dare I say it, praying). And in the end, I want to be faithful more than I want to be accomplished.

After a little thought and discussion we came up with a few things to add to the letter. They may not seem very exciting, but in one way or another, they are important. I'm still tempted to base my identity on my accomplishments (the things I do), but am trying to remember that God loves me and can do significant things in and through me even if those things are not exciting enough to include in our letter.

Ten Thousand Villages Event

2007-12-03T16:44:00.000-06:00

A few months ago I read a blog that inspired me to action. My friend, Cory Verner, mentioned that he was helping coordinate an Alternative Christmas Event. The idea was to encourage people to think about global poverty issues by hosting an event where they could purchase fair trade and other Christmas gifts that help the poor in one way or another. Something inside of me lit up and I got a warm sensation in my heart that is often an indication that the Holy Spirit is speaking to me (it's usually that or that I am really embarrassed or nervous about something).

So I contacted Cory for some advice and then asked our vestry if we could host a similar event for Church of the Savior. The vestry was very supportive. Since there is a local Ten Thousand Villages near our church, we called and asked if they would open their store for a couple of hours on a Saturday evening as a special event for our church. They were more than happy to accommodate us.

So this Saturday a little over 30 people from our church slogged through rain and ice to gather at Ten Thousand Villages and do some Christmas shopping. We had apple cider, cookies and other treats. Ten Thousand Villages provided fair trade coffee and chocolate samples. We all milled about selecting gifts for family and friends, chatting with each other and munching goodies. The kids enjoyed playing with the drums, rain sticks and other instruments that were available for sale. And we purchased gifts that will both honor the family and friends who receive them and provide dignity and a living wage to the artisans who crafted them.

I am so glad that everything worked out so well. A number of people mentioned how much they enjoyed the event and some of the children asked their parents if they could visit the store again another time. A friend from work read my Facebook status mentioning the event and wondered aloud if this is something his own church should do next year. All of these things (the idea, the ease of working out the details and the positive responses) make me pretty certain that this was a work of God. I'm just glad he let me participate.

Josiah Thoughts on Santa

2007-11-30T12:23:00.000-06:00

Al and I discourage our kids from believing in Santa. As my mom puts it, "If I'm the one giving the presents, I want the credit." This year I had a discussion with Josiah that makes me think he doesn't believe us. So, here is what I imagine Josiah might be thinking this year...

Mommy and Papa think they know everything. They're always telling me what to do and hurting my feelings. Like when they make me stop doing fun things, like jumping on the furniture or when they won't let me watch PBS Kids twelve hours a day. It's just not fair.

Every year they try and convince me that Santa Claus isn't real. I used to believe them, but not anymore. Santa must be real. Everyone talks about Santa and I've seen him at Christmas parties! The presents don't show up under the tree until Christmas Eve... just like magic! None of our Christmas presents say they are from Santa, but I bet Santa puts them there and Mommy and Papa change the labels!

So, if Santa is real, I better be good so I can get a lot of presents. That's why I'm being an extra good helper! I helped Mommy clean the bathtub, wash the mirrors and mop the floors. I tried to help vacuum, but it's really hard work. When Mommy asks me to help clean up toys, I get right to work except sometimes when I'm busy playing or watching PBS Kids. And I'm really good at helping Mommy peal vegetables and bake goodies. It makes me feel frustrated when Mommy forgets that I want to help. Especially when she cracks the eggs when she's baking. That's my job! And I have to do a lot of helping so that Santa knows I am a good boy and brings me Lego Star Wars!

I hope I get to see Santa this year. I don't want to get too close or anything (he's a little scary), but I can point him out to Mommy and Papa and say, "See! I told you he's real!" I like being right (I get that from my Mommy). It will be good to teach Mommy and Papa something they did not know.

On the Bright Side

2007-11-19T11:08:00.000-06:00

Here is the bright side of my weekend:

Josiah and I enjoyed making chocolate cinnamon bread together and, since no one came to the coffee group I hosted Saturday morning, we have some nice breakfast treats to share with family and friends.
I had a relaxing Saturday morning reading a book, drinking coffee and munching on pastries.
We have a new, more efficient water heater and Al's comic books didn't get wet when the old water heater decided to spew water out the top.
The smoke detector works well.
The kitchen sink works again and we didn't have to call the plumber a second time.
I had a really nice time visiting with my mom, sister and niece (and there is not even a negative side, implied or otherwise, for this event).

I'm usually a bit of a pessimist, so I'm a little proud of myself for focusing on the good instead of brooding about the not-so-great!

Conversations with a 6-year old

2007-11-16T17:01:00.001-06:00

During a recent trip to the store I kept reminding Josiah to stay close or asking him to walk faster. I was frustrated with him for not listening better and he, apparently, was just as frustrated with me. On the way to car, we had the following exchange:

Josiah: "I would like to live in a different house. Not with you."

Me: "Oh? You don't want to live with me anymore? Do you wish you could do whatever you want without Mommy telling you what to do?"

Josiah: "Yes."

Me: "Well, if you lived in your own house, who would cook for you?"

Josiah: "I could make peanut butter sandwiches all the time."

Me: "Who would clean for you?" [Josiah isn't quite big enough to use the vacuum cleaner yet.]

Josiah: "I could use the carpet sweeper."

Me: "Living by yourself is expensive. Who would pay your bills?"

Josiah: "I could sell some stuff."

Later that week we had the following conversation in the car. I have no idea why he was thinking about this.

Josiah: "Wouldn't it be funny if kids got married?"

Me: "Yes, that would be interesting."

Josiah: "We could have babies. I'm glad I don't have to get hurt."

Me: "What do you mean?"

Josiah: "I'm glad I don't have to get hurt having a baby. I'm glad I'm a boy. I won't even eat an egg."

I wasn't quite ready to tackle that subject, so I just smiled and changed the topic.

Birthdays

2007-11-12T12:43:00.000-06:00

Last week was Al's birthday. We had a simple family celebration with dinner at a Chinese buffet and a birthday pie. In my family of origin we always celebrated birthdays with a cake. My mom would put candles on the cake and carry it out while we all sang "Happy Birthday." Al's family didn't really do the whole cake thing and he doesn't particularly like cake anyway. It's taken awhile for me to help Al understand how important it is for me to have a cake on my birthday. I've also found that I cannot celebrate Al or the kids' birthdays without a birthday dessert of some sort either. For me not providing a birthday dessert is like saying, "I don't really care about you." So, we compromised with a pie. I stuck a candle in the middle of the pie and brought it out to Al while Josiah and I sang "Happy Birthday."

We planned to go out for a date on Friday night, but Al got pretty sick. So we stayed at home where Al slept and I took care of the kids. My "warrior princess" came out as I set aside my own desires for the weekend to take care of and protect the family. I'm not complaining though. I love taking care of my family, whether "mothering" someone who is sick or looking for ways to make a birthday boy feel loved.

Yesterday was Josiah's birthday. I stayed up late Saturday night wrapping gifts, making a nice "Happy Birthday Josiah!" sign and cleaning up the house. We all slept in (a nice gift from the kids to us, perhaps) and I made apple waffles for breakfast. Josiah opened his presents and then we all went to the Museum of Science and Industry to see the Star Wars exhibit. We got to the museum around 11:30, but had to wait until 3:30 to enter the Star Wars exhibit. We all had fun and were pretty tired by the time we left at 5:00. Since Al had to leave for a meeting, we ate birthday cake and ice cream for dinner. Then Josiah started putting together the Lego Stars Wars kit he got for his birthday and Elijah spent some time resting. Later we ate some soup and went to bed.

So I am exhausted, but happy. I also have a bunch of leftover pie and cake in addition to all of the Halloween candy laying around.

P.S. I added some Halloween photos to a previous post.

Warrior Princess

2007-11-09T12:29:00.000-06:00

This past weekend I learned that I am a "Warrior Princess." I heard Michele Miller speak at the ECPA Publishing University, an event for Christian publishers with training in different publishing areas. Michele's speciality is marketing to women. My job has nothing to do with marketing to women, but her presentation was incredibly interesting all the same. I love personality inventories and the like and used the information she presented to better understand myself and the world around me. Not what she intended perhaps, but more fun for me!

She made the case that to effectively market your product to women, you need to know a woman's internal motivations, not just her demographic. To help us better understand various types of women, she explored where women receive their energy from (external sources or internal) and how they value time (live in the moment or leave a legacy). Depending on the combination of these factors, she created four types. Here is what I learned about me...

I am an introvert and I want to leave a legacy. That makes me a "warrior princess." According to Michele, a warrior princess is methodical, efficient, logical and far-sighted. We tend to be perfectionists and have a strong sense of right and wrong. That certainly describes me. This helps explain why I enjoyed Sharon Hinck's book The Restorer so much!

The other types are "Regal Queen" (extrovert who lives in the moment), "Sorceress" (introvert who lives in the moment) and "Healer" (extrovert who wants to leave a legacy). To learn more about all four types you'll have to read Michele's new book when it comes out this January (sorry, I can't remember the title).

Highlights

2007-11-02T17:10:00.001-05:00

Highlights from the past week:

Splurging on some spa treatments (aromatherapy bath and a massage).
Hearing Rev. Dr. Brenda Salter McNeil preach at the IVCF Women's Staff Conference
Realizing that Elijah is vocalizing at least six to ten different words and phrases. Yay!
Dressing the kids up in their Halloween costumes.
Seeing the Serbian translation of Wanting to Be Her by Michelle Graham. I really like this book (I can only read the English version, but I'm sure the Serbian is good too).
Learning that a friend had her baby.
Having Josiah tell me, "Mom, I think its time for me to learn to take care of myself. Can you go inside?" while waiting for the bus (I went to our front steps and not all the way inside, but I was so proud of him).

Things to look foward to next week:

Stamping cards with a friend
Attending a publishing conference
Josiah's first report card
Al's birthday
Josiah's birthday

A Late-Night Scare

2007-10-23T13:45:00.000-05:00

We had a bit of a scare the night I arrived home from Germany. We drove from the airport to church (our church meets on Saturday evenings) and then went to a friend's house for dinner. Since both Al and Josiah our allergic to our friend's cats, they both took some allergy medicine on the way there. Both made through the evening without any allergic reactions and we had a really nice time.

We got home later than usual and since I had been up since the equivalent of 11:00 p.m. the day before, Al put the kids to bed while I got ready for bed myself. I quickly fell asleep. At around 2:00 a.m. I woke up to the sound of Josiah coughing. It sounded like he was getting ready to throw up. So I threw myself out of bed and stumbled (literally) to his room.

"Josiah, are you okay? Are you going to throw up?" I whispered.

"No" Josiah croaked.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know" he managed between hacking coughs.

As I listened to him I realized he was wheezing when he breathed. When he sat up in bed I saw that he was still in the shirts and pants he had worn all day. When we get home late, we sometimes put Josiah to bed without putting his pajamas on, which usually isn't a big deal. The problem was that his clothes were full of cat hair and Josiah was clearly having a serious allergic reaction.

Josiah refused to take his allergy medicine because he doesn't like the taste. I woke Al up, partly so he could help and partly so someone else could worry with me. Josiah was still coughing and wheezing a lot and I was beginning to worry about him. Okay, I woke up worrying about him, but now I was seriously considering taking him to the E.R. What if he was having an asthma attack? He hasn't been diagnosed with asthma, but Elijah had issues with "wheezing" last year and Josiah's coughs sounded similar to when Elijah had difficulty catching his breath.

We changed Josiah into clean pajamas and took the sheets off his bed. Al threw everything into the washing machine while I sat listening to Josiah's breathing. He didn't sound any better so I decided to take him to the emergency room. I quickly changed into jeans and a sweatshirt and told Josiah that he needed to see a doctor. He Josiah fought me all the way downstairs sobbing, "I don't want to go to a doctor in the middle of the night!"

He finally agreed to take some allergy medicine and I agreed to wait and see if his breathing improved. A half hour later he seemed to be okay. We trudged back upstairs and settled Josiah down in a sleeping bag in our bedroom. I put my pajamas back on and slipped into bed. I listened intently to Josiah's breathing, which was beginning to sound normal. When I was satisfied that he was okay I closed my eyes and got some much needed sleep.

More Adventures in Germany

2007-10-12T05:55:00.000-05:00

The train workers are on strike today, but it seems that some of the trains are running. We took a taxi to the Book Fair again today, but hope to be able to take a train back to the hotel tonight.

I am extremely tired and find that the clarity of my thoughts and of my speech is declining. I often struggle to remember ordinary words while describing books to publishers. Everyone is tired though and we all extend grace to one another. Yesterday I kept looking to my colleague for help when my words were not working. He was just as tired as I was though and often had as much difficulty as I did.

I am looking forward to being home again tomorrow. I've kept in touch with Al and our kids through phone calls and Facebook messages, but I am eagerly anticipating finding them waiting for me outside the international terminal at the airport and receiving excited hugs and sloppy kisses.

Adventures in Germany

2007-10-10T22:37:00.000-05:00

I am in Germany attending the Frankfurt Book Fair. I attend the Book Fair every year or two for business. I will spend from 9 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday in back-to-back 30 minute meetings with a half hour break for lunch. Today I spent over half of my lunch break in line for the restroom and then wolfed down a small sandwich and a Coke Zero in the remaining ten minutes.

The real fun began when we rushed to catch the train back to our hotel. When we got to the platform we deciphered a German sign informing us that all of the trains were running 50 minutes late. This resulted in a loud crush of people mulling about the train platform, making me feel fairly claustrophobic. After 40 minutes of waiting we caught the S4 train to the next stop, hoping to transfer to the S6 train which would take us to our usual stop. The S6 was not running in the direction we needed (or at least it was very late) so we consulted the train schedule and rushed to another track where a different train would get us the right city, but the wrong stop.

We got off the train in Bad Vilbel, one station past where we needed to be. We debated whether to walk, catch a cab or try a bus. We did not see any cabs and were not certain which bus to take. Since we knew the general direction we needed to take we decided to walk. Before we could get very far a kind German stopped us. He noticed that we were foreigners and that we were a bit uncertain how to get back to the area of the city we needed, so he called a cab company on his cell phone and instructed them to pick two gentlemen and a lady at the north train station. 20 minutes later or so the taxi pulled up and brought us safely back to our hotel. Phew!

And here is the best part – it is rumored that the train workers will go on strike tomorrow or possibly Friday, so things could get much, much worse. We’ve reserved a cab to drive us to the Book Fair tomorrow morning, but are not certain how we will get back to the hotel. There will probably be a very large crowd of folks trying to catch cabs at the end of the day and traffic will likely be congested with the influx of people forced to hire cabs or drive themselves. I am planning to wear a much more comfortable outfit tomorrow and will pack a few extra bags of peanut M & Ms, just in case!

The Writing on the Wall

2007-10-04T09:00:00.000-05:00

This morning I heard Al walk into the hallway and yell, "Elijah, No!" Elijah had a crayon in hand was preparing the decorate our hallway wall. We sighed, relieved that we had caught him before he was able to begin coloring.

A few minutes later Al came into the bathroom where I was applying my make-up and said, "He already wrote on the wall in the dining room." I walked into the dining room, noted the marks (relatively few) and went to get the Magic Eraser (I love this thing! If you have a toddler, you need a Magic Eraser). I handed the eraser to Elijah and instructed him to get to work cleaning the wall. I needed to finish getting ready for work, so I left Al and Elijah to their cleaning.

As I was walking away Al called me back. "Elijah pointed to the wall and said, 'A' and 'E'!" Apparently he was practicing his writing skills. I suppose this means we should give him more opportunities to draw. He still eats crayons (or writes on inappropriate surfaces), so we're usually hesitant to give them to him. Well, I can read the writing on the wall and it says, "Let this child color (on paper) more often!"

The "Talk"

2007-09-28T12:24:00.000-05:00

I heard something on the radio that made me feel a little angry yesterday. A man was talking about the discussion he has with any boy who dates his daughter. You know, where a girl's father sits down with the guy she is dating and has a "talk." In this case, the person speaking said that while his daughter is not a possession, he is to steward her until she becomes an adult. As someone created in God's image, his daughter is someone precious that any guy should feel honored to spend time with, someone who should protected and treated with respect.

I turned the channel fairly quickly. While I agree that all people are made in God's image and, as such, should be treated with dignity and respect, I am annoyed that it is only guys who receive the "talk." As the mother of two sons, I am equally concerned that the girls they date treat them well. Why is it that we only talk with guys? Do girls hold no responsibility for what happens on a date?

When our sons are old enough to date (a long, long time from now), I would like to meet the girls they date and give them my own little talk. I might start with, "I love my son and if you do anything to hurt I will rip out your..."

Well, maybe that's a little extreme. But I would like to talk about dressing modestly and helping our son focus on her inner beauty more than her physical beauty. I would like to tell her that we have taught our son that no means no and we expect her to follow the same rule. I would like to tell her that my son is a wonderful creation of God, just as she herself is, and that they should treat each other with respect and consideration. And I would let her know that they are both mutually responsible for their actions when they are together.

Okay, so my "talk" isn't perfect yet. That's okay. I have many more years to work on it (I hope! Josiah has been talking a little about one of the girls in his kindergarten class).

~~~~~

P.S. During the next two weeks I will be reading a book in our son's kindergarten class, going to our college's homecoming and traveling to Germany for a fun-filled week of meeting with industry colleagues. I probably won't have much time to blog...

Sleep vs Soap

2007-09-21T16:12:00.000-05:00

I awake to a soft thump the sound of pattering feet. Josiah scampers into our bedroom and announces, "I have to go potty."

"So go" I grumble only half-awake and unwilling to get out of bed unless absolutely necessary.

Josiah wanders into the bathroom. I hear the toilet flush and water running. Good, I think, he remembered to wash his hands. I glance at the clock, curious what hour of the morning it is. 2:30 a.m. ugh. Oh how I long for day when he will figure out that he can go to the bathroom in the middle of the night without waking us up.

The water is still running and I hear a soft thwacking noise. "Josiah, are you okay?" I whisper.

"There's no soap."

"Oh yeah. I need to refill the soap. I'll do it tomorrow."

After a few minutes of quiet I begin to wonder why he isn't going back to bed. I listen a little harder and hear soft sobs followed by a small sniffle. I reluctantly roll out of bed to investigate. I find Josiah standing forlornly near the sink in the dark bathroom, softly crying.

"Josiah? What's wrong? Why aren't you going back to bed?"

"I can't wash my hands. There's not enough soap."

Feeling a bit perplexed and somewhat exasperated by his sudden desire for clean hands, I quietly assure him, "It's okay. Just dry your hands and go back to bed. I'll fix the soap tomorrow. It's 2:30 in the morning and I'm really tired. I'm not going to get more soap right now. Come on."

I help him back into bed and give a soft kiss. He may be a little inconvenient sometimes, but I sure do love him.

Down Syndrome Carnival

2007-09-16T08:00:00.000-05:00

I am hosting the fourth edition of the Down Syndrome Carnival this week.

Our church recently decided to teach the nursery kids Scripture verses in sign language. I am so excited because our 2-year old (who has Down Syndrome) loves sign language. This is just one small way that our church makes our family feel welcomed and included regardless of our abilities and disabilities. We also recently purchased Let All the Children Come to Me:A Practical Guide to Including Children with Disabilities in Your Church Ministries for our children's program coordinator. So, I thought that I would highlight some posts dealing with the issue of churches and disabilities. McNair at Disabled Christianity has a post called Child Find that encourages churches to find children and other people with disabilities in order to welcome them into our church families. I also found a great article at the Centre for Spirituality, Health and Disability website, The Body of Christ has Down's Syndrome: Theological Reflections on vulnerability, disability and Graceful communities by John Swinton. This a theological paper, so it's not exactly light reading, but it is very good.

In addition, here are a couple of other posts that were submitted: The Least of These, where Michelle brings our attention to a news story about 2 dozen Iraqi boys with special needs who were rescued from an orphanage, and Father's Day Reflection: Special Needs, Special Love, an article my husband wrote for BeNotAfraid.net, an online outreach to parents who have received a poor or difficult prenatal diagnosis.

I am not certain who will host the next Down Syndrome Carnival. Please send any posts or articles you would like included in the next Down Syndrome Carnival to Leticia .

Dada

2007-09-14T16:25:00.000-05:00

Elijah is beginning to talk a little bit. He has said "dada" and "papa" and even something that sounded like "Josiah" and "Elijah." He has not, however, said "Mama" yet. He can say "em" when he sees the letter "M," but he refuses to say "Mama."

This morning I was repeating "mama" to Elijah in the hopes that he would imitate the sound. After a while Elijah put his little hands on my cheeks, turned my face towards his, looked me in the eye and said... "dada!" (sigh).

Recent Photos

2007-09-13T15:48:00.000-05:00

I feel like I should post something, but I don't have much to say this week. So here are some recent photos of the kids. Enjoy!

Look out! This kid is dangerously fun!

Ready for the first day of kindergarten...

Here we go!

I love this duck! (It sings "Splish, Splash I Was Taking a Bath" while dancing). Thanks Grandma and Grandpa!

Hanging out at the arboretum where some real splishing and splashing is possible.

Riding the tram at the arboretum.

This is so much fun!

Do you like my new jammies and haircut?

Elijah's New Obsession

2007-09-04T11:03:00.000-05:00

Elijah has a new obsession. We can't go anywhere or do anything without him displaying this fascination. He can sit still for up to half an hour when we indulge this passion. Elijah has discovered...the alphabet!

I suppose we shouldn't be too surprised given how much time our family spends reading books. Even so, I am absolutely delighted! One of Josiah's kindergarten objectives is to know every letter of the alphabet and the sound each letter makes. So, my 2-year old son (who happens to have Down Syndrome) is working on kindergarten level material! I know other two year olds already know their alphabet, but that doesn't make me any less proud of Elijah.

Anywhere we go Elijah points to the letters and waits for us to identify them. His favorite attraction at the Dupage Children's Museum was their art gallery. He didn't look at the art work though. He stood in front of the large sign and pointed at each letter in the word "Gallery" (the only word that was at his height) over and over and over again. When he sits in a grocery cart he points and the letters on the handle. He screams when it is time to put away his alphabet books. (OK, he actually screams anytime we take a book away from him). Anytime he notices the letter "A" he points and declares "A!" He can also identify the letters "E," "F" and sometimes "M." (Which also shows that his speech is beginning to progress more).

I often sit and write the alphabet for him on a Magna Doodle on letter at a time. He will sit through the entire alphabet and then sign, "more!" On some days I have gone through the entire alphabet three or four times and he still asks for more. Whenever I sing the alphabet song I also sign each letter. Now when he hears me sing the alphabet song he moves his hand around as if he were signing the letters with me. It's so cute!

This is one obsession that Al and I are happy to indulge!

Josiah's First Day of Kindergarten

2007-08-27T16:43:00.001-05:00

Well, it's official, Josiah is a kindergartner. We got to school early and I stood around with the other parents while Josiah played with a friend he knows from preschool. I took pictures until the camera battery died. After a few minutes the bell rang, startling all of us a bit. (I'd forgotten about school bells and Josiah has never heard one before.) The kids wandered into two lines, backpacks bumping each other, while the teacher made sure everyone was there and checked how they would be getting home. Then she said, "Okay kids. Smile big, wave to your parents and say 'Kindergarten is great!'" And off they went. A few kids sniffled quietly, but not Josiah. He smiled, waved, said "Kindergarten is great!" and walked into the school without glancing back.

Two and a half hours later I returned to school to pick him up. The kids were playing outside for recess when I arrived. Josiah saw me and waved, but listened very well when the teacher told everyone to line up and go back inside. He chatted cheerfully with a teacher's helper as filed in the door. When he was released a few minutes later I asked him how it went and he said, "It was great!"

Al's mom was waiting for Josiah in the driveway when we got home. Since I had to go back to work I pulled up to the curb and dropped Josiah off. He smiled and waved then looked at his Ama (Grandma) and said, "It's just like a bus!"

I'm very happy that Josiah enjoyed his first day of kindergarten. I hope things continue to go well. My prayers for Josiah these days center around the friendships and character he will form at school. I pray that he will make good friends, that he will be a good influence on others, that he will not be bullied and that he will not be a bully himself. I have a feeling that I will be praying the same thing for the next 13 years or so.

Third Down Syndrome Carnival

2007-08-27T10:51:00.000-05:00

The Third Down Syndrome Carnival is up. This week's carnival includes my post on Psalm 139.

Breaking Josiah's Heart

2007-08-24T17:17:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I took away Josiah's toy lightsaber. He was hitting things (including me) and when he refused to stop I took it away and put it on top of a high bookshelf. A few minutes later we had the following conversation:

Josiah (looking very sad): Mommy, you made me sad. You broke my heart.

Me: I did?

Josiah (drawing a heart in the air): Yes, my heart that is shaped like this. You broke it.

Me: How did I break your heart?

Josiah: You took my lightsaber away... (dramatic eyes, quivering lip)... If you give it back, my heart will be fixed.

Ellen: You can play with it tomorrow.

Josiah (on the verge of tears): If I have to wait until tomorrow my heart will be broken forever!

At this point I had to try very hard to hide my giggles. He seems to have the guilt trip thing down. When I refused to relent he resorted to threatening me with a ghost, vampire bats and a sheep dog. A sheep dog?! Where does he come up with this stuff?

Ready for Kindergarten?

2007-08-23T16:17:00.001-05:00

I officially registered Josiah for Kindergarten on Tuesday evening. The experience was completely ordinary and overwhelming at the same time. When I arrived their was a five-year old standing with his arm in blocking the entry. I pretended to poke him and said, "beep." He smiled and let me through. Then I stood in brief line to find out which bus route we are on. The information they provided tells me where the bus stop is, but it doesn't indicate what time they pick up for the pm kindergarten class. Oh well. I think we're going to drive him to and from school anyway.

Next I handed in our fees and general forms. Then I handed in our medical forms. Then I signed up for PTA and spent a few minutes talking with a friend about what to expect. I stopped at the other five tables with information about the SMART$ program, fundraisers, hot lunch, and a bunch of other stuff. At the end of the line of tables was a person who pointed to the twenty or so posters where I could sign up to volunteer for various events. Yikes! I may want to help out eventually, but after the brief time of registering I was feeling a little overwhelmed. I must have looked a little overwhelmed too, because people kept asking if I was a "new mom." I came home with a handful of handouts, instructions and a name tag for Josiah to where the first week.

I had to talk with my PTA friend to figure out what to expect the first day. I was thinking the parents might get to go inside, see the room again and then say good-bye on the first day, but apparently not. We get to park in the bus lane and wait outside with our kids. Then the teacher will come out and help the kids line up and go inside. And me? I guess I just leave. Gulp. And that's just dropping him off. When we pick him up we have to park in the circle drive instead of the bus lane. What?! Why the change? And where exactly is the circle drive? You can't see it from the street... And which door do I wait near?

Why is this so scary to me? I'm not sure. Josiah has attended preschool and other park district activities, so I'm used to him being away for a couple of hours. But at those events I always walked Josiah inside to class and picked him up at the exact same spot. But an outside door versus an inside door isn't all that different. I think part of it just that my memories of school are mixed. I loved the academic part of school, but I remember being picked on too. Will Josiah enjoy school? Will he make good friends? Will he get along with other kids? Will he get along with his teacher? Will she appreciate what an amazing kid he is? Will she understand his goofiness or will it get him in trouble?

So for whatever reason, I am feeling pretty nervous about kindergarten. I'm trying not to let Josiah see how nervous I feel because I want him to excited about school. I think he might really like it. I just kind-of wish I could go with him. But I guess that is part of growing up. He needs to do more stuff on his own and I need to learn how to let go of him a little bit at a time so he has room to grow and mature. But man, if I feel like this with Josiah, I'll probably be a basket-case when Elijah starts school!

Down Syndrome Carnival

2007-08-21T07:59:00.000-05:00

Leticia at Cause of Our Joy is hosting a Down Syndrome Carnival. One of my early posts, Elijah's Gift, is included this week. The Down Syndrome Carnival is a weekly collection of stories and blog posts from families who have children with Down Syndrome. Stop by if you are interested in learning more about Down Syndrome or if you would like to read stories from other families.

Josiah's Song

2007-08-20T08:24:00.000-05:00

I love to sing and and often make up silly little songs as I go about the day. Josiah has picked up on this and will also make up songs from time to time. This is what he sang for me last night (I wish I could have video-taped it because its even funnier when you hear the tune...)

I love you
You love me
Everybody loves each other...
Except bad guys
This is the truth, this is the truth, this is the truth!

Love each other
Don't eat bugs
Don't eat anything alive...

He never really finished the song. I think I distracted him when I shot out of my chair to find a pen and paper. This still makes me chuckle.

Washing Woes

2007-08-17T12:07:00.000-05:00

Our washing machine died this week. (A moment of silence, please).

This past Tuesday I went to transfer laundry from the washer to the drier and found the washing machine sitting dormant. Not "all done" dormant, but "not even started" dormant. The towels and t-shirts sat in murky, still water. Uh oh. I thought maybe there was a pause in the cycle and went back to cleaning the kitchen. When I returned half an hour later the machine still sat dormant, the towels and t-shirts occupying the same positions in the still water. I checked the cycle. "Wash." I turned the machine off then on again a few times. I tried moving the dial to the rinse cycle. I unplugged the machine, removed some of the towels, swished things around a bit and turned it back on. All of my attempts to revive the machine were unsuccessful. I finally called Al at work with the bad news, put the wet laundry into the utility sink and then scooped out the full basin of water with a plastic cup.

That evening I came home from work more tired than usual and fighting a headache. I wasn't looking forward to hanging out in a laundromat. So when Al said he would wash the laundry in the bathtub, I was both amused and relieved. After supper I got ready to take Elijah to the supermarket with me while Al and Josiah went downstairs to wash the laundry. This is what I found when I came downstairs.

I think we've used the whirlpool jets in our downstairs bathtub maybe twice in the three years we've lived in our house, but Al had the bright idea to use them to help wash the laundry! Josiah loved it. He was jumping up and down, squealing with delight. Elijah really wanted to help too, but he has a tendency to topple into the bathtub head first. I took a few quick pictures and then left for the store with Elijah. By the time we came home Al and Josiah were putting the washed laundry into the drier. They were both dripping wet, a little worn out and very proud of themselves.

Fortunately, I finished most of this week's laundry before the washing machine died and the new one will be delivered on my usual laundry day next week. As much fun as Al and Josiah had doing laundry in the tub, I don't think they're eager to try this again anytime soon.

Jump!

2007-08-13T11:27:00.000-05:00

Elijah's physical therapist wants Elijah to learn how to jump. During PT sessions she has him stand on a short step and helps him "jump" to the floor. He loves it and asks for more when she stops. He has started imitating us a lot recently, so during our last PT session I stood in front of Elijah while holding his hands and showed him to to jump. I bent my knees, waited for him to do the same, and said "1, 2, 3... Jump!" I jumped and Elijah tried to imitate by straightening his legs quickly.

Yesterday I was playing with Elijah and he started to "jump" by himself. His feet still don't leave the floor, but he bends his knees, smiles and then stands up straight very fast while raising his little arms over his head. "Yay Elijah" I rejoiced with him. Then I said, "Jump!" He did again, said "ump!" and then signed "jump" too! It was wonderful! He's been imitating speech more often, but this is one of his first "clear" words ("clear" meaning I know that he meant to say it and that he knew what he was saying). I am so proud of him!

Cute Kid Stuff

2007-08-06T12:35:00.000-05:00

Here are some cute things the kids have said and done recently:

On Saturday Al took the kids to a picnic while I stayed home. Josiah didn't realize that I was not going with them until we were saying good bye. He looked at me and said, "Mommy, I can't live without you." It was very cute and made me melt a little.

Al was talking with Josiah about college and Josiah, hesitant about leaving home, said, "Will you and Mommy come with me?" Al assured him that when it was time for college Josiah would be happy to leave without us. Al mentioned that maybe Josiah would meet a cute girl at college and asked Josiah what color hair the girl might have (don't ask me why Al was talking about this with a five-year old). Josiah said the girl would have blond hair "like Mommy."

Last night we read a Bible story from Philippians 2, which led to a talk about temptation and the difference between thinking about doing something bad (temptation) and actually doing it (sin). So, I said something like, "Temptation is like when you think about stealing a cookie when no one is looking. If you don't actually steal the cookie, you haven't actually done anything bad. But if you do steal the cookie, that is bad. Its not always naughty to think about bad things, but you should not do bad things." We talked for awhile about Jesus being tempted and such. After a while I tried to wrap things up and pray, but Josiah said, "Wait, Mom. Let's think about some bad things for awhile." I think this may have been an attempt to delay bedtime, but it left me a little flabbergasted. That's not exactly what I meant to encourage...

Elijah has started imitating us a lot. Yesterday he followed me around the kitchen and copied me: open refrigerator, close drawer, dry hands on towel - almost everything I did, he at least tried to do. Later on he even put a bunch of pots up on the kitchen table like he was trying to cook something.

For the last few days every time I sneeze at home Elijah "sneezes" too. He even puts his hand over his mouth.

Elijah loves getting piggy back rides. If we are sitting on the floor he'll come up behind us and start climbing on our back. Once he is on our back he signs "go" and tries to say the word (although it usually comes out "bu" or something similar). At church this weekend we were standing in line for Eucharist when Elijah leaned forward in Al's arms and tried to climb onto my back for a ride! I'm not sure if anyone else noticed, but I thought it was pretty funny.

Tending versus Taming

2007-08-01T16:52:00.001-05:00

Carla Barnhill wrote something in The Myth of the Perfect Mother that has stuck with me for the past two weeks:

God has crafted each child with hopes and dreams of her own, with a personality and set of passions that we are to tend, not tame.

If the title of this post didn't give it away, it is the idea of tending our children rather than taming them that has caught my attention. All too often I am tempted to tame our children. Both of our kids have energy and exuberance to spare. I am often tempted to "tame" them into being quiet and obedient. While the obedient part is good, I need to be careful not to expect them to be someone they are not. Maybe God didn't intend for them to be quiet. All the harder for me, perhaps, but how sad would it be to "tame" them so that they lost their joyful exuberance.

For example, I approach Eucharist with a sense of quiet meditation and respect. Josiah, on the other hand, skips forward, pops the bread into his mouth and chugs the juice. My tendency is to put a restraining hand on his shoulder and try to "tame" him into participating in Eucharist the same way I do. A few weeks ago a friend from church told us how much she enjoys watching Josiah take Eucharist. She appreciates his joy. What a good reminder both that Eucharist has multiple layers of meaning, one of which is joy at the resurrection, and also that different people relate to God in different ways, including Josiah. Quiet meditation and joyful exuberance can both be appropriate responses during Eucharist.

I struggle with discerning tending from taming, but Carla's quote was a good reminder for me to be more concerned with tending our kids God-given gifts and passions than with making them polite and well-mannered.

Keeper of the Verses

2007-07-30T11:33:00.000-05:00

I recently read Sharon Hinck's book The Restorer. It is a fantasy about a depressed mom searching for purpose who is pulled through a portal into another world where is called to help a struggling nation. Its a good book and I'm looking forward to reading the next volume.

One thing in particular caught my imagine while reading this book. The scriptures in the alternative world are sung and are referred to as verses. Since the verses are sung, musicians are given the role of the "keeper of the verses." They keep the verses alive in the people's memory by singing them in various situations.

If I lived in Sharon Hinck's alternative world, I would want to be a keeper of the verses. I am intrigued by the idea of scripture that is musical in its original form. I also captured by the beauty and wonder of using music to help the people remember and remain faithful to the verses and to the One who gave them. I love God's Word and I love music. What better job could there be than to use music as a tool in service to God's Word, to be daily surrounded by the beauty of both music and scripture. And what would music ministry today look like if more music ministers considered their roles to be that of preserving the truth and beauty of God's word through music?

When God's kingdom breaks through in all of its fullness, I think it would be cool if I could be something similar to the "keeper of the verses," somehow using music to help keep God's word alive in the minds and memories of God's followers. And who knows, maybe God will let me do something similar before then.

The Myth of the Perfect Mother

2007-07-27T11:35:00.000-05:00

I recently read Carla Barnhill's book The Myth of the Perfect Mother. In the beginning of the book Barnhill argues that evangelicals have uncritically adopted a secular view of women that is unbiblical and creates an unnecessary burden on moms. Here is a part of the book that caught my attention:

It's also a mistake to assume that the "traditional" family model we associate with the '50s had anything to do with conservative Christian values or a generation of people who finally got family "right." In truth, our modern understanding of family owes more to Richard Nixon than to the church.

In an effort to make the American way of life appear superior to Communism, mid-century American political leaders promoted the idea that in America, every family could own its own home, that jobs were so plentiful and lucrative women had the luxury of staying home, that capitalism allowed every family to own a car and a washing machine. The middle-class suburban family was created to make America look good... The same trappings--the house, the yard, the family itself--have been incorporated in the evangelical assumptions about women (and to some degree men...). We have translated the '50s model of the perfect American family to the model of the perfect Christian family. In doing so, we have taken away a women's ability to follow God's leading in her life and replaced it with a kind of bondage to an ideal that isn't consistent with the call of Scripture.

This makes me wonder which ideals of motherhood I hold that may be unbiblical. What assumptions do I make about being a "good" mom that I should examine more closely? How can I honor God in my mothering without allowing the role of motherhood to supersede every other area of my walk with God?

On a related subject: I was thinking more about the tension between taking care of our children and serving God more this week. It occurred to me that in the Old Testament God was known as a god who did not require child sacrifice. While other nations routinely sacrificed their children to their gods, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob despised the idea. God tested Abraham's faith by asking for Isaac, but in the end God stopped Abraham from actually sacrificing Isaac and provided an animal for the sacrifice.

Our children should not be more important to us than obeying God, but I don't think God asks us to sacrifice the lives of our children. This isn't always an easy balance to maintain though, especially in a culture where we work so hard to give our kids every opportunity and advantage. I know I am still working through what this means in our family. Any thoughts?

Serving God with Children

2007-07-24T08:46:00.000-05:00

I have been bumping up against a common thought recently. It is a subtle theme in some of the books I am reading and was mentioned at an Emergent Gathering I attended last weekend. It is something that I agree with, but find very difficult to practice. Stated very simply, God is more important than my children. Well, duh. Right? But how often do I use the well-being of my kids as an excuse not to serve God?

I'd like to think that I don't use my children as an excuse to avoid doing God's work, but I'm not even sure I can evaluate this area with much objectivity. For example, Josiah has asked us not to lead worship anymore. We have gently, yet firmly explained that we will continue to lead worship. As much as we love Josiah, it is more important to honor God by serving the church with the gifts God has given us than it is to make Josiah feel comfortable every Saturday evening. But we compromise, we don't lead worship all the time. Just sometimes. And our kids are at least part of the reason we limit how often we lead worship.

And that is fairly small thing. What if God asks us to move? The first questions that come to mind concern our kids well-being. What about their education? Will they be safe? What about services for kids with special needs?

At the same time, I don't want to neglect my children for the sake of ministry (note that I said "ministry" not "God"). We can't do everything and it would be unhealthy to try. So how do we decide how best to serve God? How do we balance ministering to people both inside and outside our family? How do we live the tension between verses that emphasize caring for your own family (1 Tim 5:8) and verses that emphasize the cost of following Jesus, including leaving family (Lk 9:57ff)?

I don't know. For now, I am simply noticing the issue. I'm not planning to increase how often we lead worship or make any drastic changes. But when God brings opportunities to serve to my attention, I will try not to immediately dismiss them simply because I have kids.

Lost in Translation

2007-07-06T16:47:00.001-05:00

I'll be out of town for awhile, but wanted to post a quick tidbit before leaving.

A friend watched our kids for us while we went on a date last night. Elijah uses a lot of sign language and Josiah had to interpret so that our friend would understand what Elijah was saying or asking. At one point in the evening Elijah made a sign and our friend asked Josiah, "What is he saying?" Josiah looked at Elijah and said, "That's the sign for 'time'." Confused our friend wondered why a two-year old would ask for the time and said, "Oh, I'm not wearing a watch."

When she told us about the exchange I explained that Elijah uses the sign for "time" when he wants to watch a Signing Time DVD. I think it's funny that Josiah translated the sign without explaining the meaning.

His Mother's Eyes

2007-06-28T14:17:00.000-05:00

When I am feeling a bit angry or perturbed at someone, I tend to glare at them. My glare is, apparently, striking enough that some friends simply call it "the look." As in, "Oooh, you just got the look from Ellen. She must be mad." I used to be somewhat proud of "the look."

Josiah has my eyes. I am not referring the shape, color or other physical features of his eyes. It appears that "the look" is hereditary and I have become a frequent recipient of it. Even small annoyances or frustrations will prompt our five-year old to turn around and skewer me with "the look."

It's a little scary being on the other end "the look" and this has made me realize that it's not my best feature. In fact, I really don't like "the look" at all and am somewhat appalled that I used to be proud of it. I've been reading Philippians and Ephesians recently and let's just say that my "gentleness" is not evident at all when I use the look. And I am certainly not being humble, gentle, patient, or bearing with the unfortunate recipient of "the look" in love (Eph. 4:2).

So Josiah and I came up with a new look last night. When we are tempted to give each other "the look," we decided to make a silly face instead. I'm not sure if we will use the new look or not. But I hope I will start using "the look" less often and that my eyes will begin to communicate more gentleness and patience.

Father's Day

2007-06-14T16:34:00.000-05:00

Al wrote a really nice Father's Day article for BeNotAfraid.net, an online resource for parents who get prenatal diagnoses of various scary medical conditions.

A Child After My Own Heart

2007-06-12T15:43:00.000-05:00

Elijah fusses less when we let him look at a book during nap time. The other day he fell asleep reading, something I do on a regular basis. Ahhh, it's good to see that he has inherited our love for reading!

While We Were Gone

2007-06-08T13:21:00.000-05:00

While we were in Hawaii my parents watched the kids. My mom kept a brief journal of the week for us. Here are some of the funnier things that happened while were gone.

My parents came downstairs to find Josiah jumping on the furniture and asked, "Does Mom let you jump on the furniture?" Josiah responded, "Only when she is upstairs."
They visited a local children's museum one day. At one point my mom decided it was time to use the restroom. Josiah disagreed. He became very belligerent and insisted, rather loudly, that he did not have to go to the bathroom. Mom eventually convinced him to go to the bathroom. A few minutes later he told my dad, "Grandma was right! I did need to go potty!"
My parents learned a bit of sign language during the week. My dad was flabbergasted when Elijah used signs to tell him that the kitchen fan was making him cold. My mom was flabbergasted that my dad understood the signing!

All in all, my parents and the kids seemed to have had a good time together. I'm glad we had a chance to get away for awhile, but I'm equally glad my parents were able to spend some time with our kids.

I'm Back

2007-06-04T14:12:00.001-05:00

We're back from our trip to Hawaii. The transition from vacation back to "real" life is going well so far. I don't have a lot of time to write today, but here are a few quick things I learned on our cruise:

Don't bring a "gentle exfoliating" facewash on a trip where you a likely to get sunburn.
Shaving your legs in a tiny shower is even harder when you are at sea and the shower is swaying.
Al is not able to view beautiful scenery without taking a photo. He took 826 photos during our 7 day cruise. By the end of the trip I was teasing him, "Look! Water! Quick, take a picture!" I woke up from a bad dream one night to a beautiful view of the full moon reflecting off the ocean. When Al stirred a bit I nudged him and told him to look out the window. He spent the next 15 minutes trying to capture the scene on camera.
I love chocolate souffle. mmmm. I only had it once, but it was delicious!

Here are a few photos from our trip:

Bon Voyage!

2007-05-25T10:39:00.000-05:00

On May 31, Al & I will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary aboard The Pride of America. We fly to Honolulu tomorrow and will spend the next 7 days cruising the Hawaiian islands. Woo hoo!

Al and I will have an entire week to ourselves. We won't have to go to work or think about IVP projects, we won't have to do housework or take the kids to doctor appointments. We can eat dinner without a five-year old interrupting us or a two-year old throwing food on the floor. We can sleep as late as we want and spend our time reading, exploring the islands, playing tennis together, or doing pretty much whatever we want. I am pretty excited. The only trips Al and I have taken together since having our kids have been either been family vacations or business trips. So this will be the first time in five and half years when we can focus completely on each other for more than a few hours.

It's hard to believe we have been married for ten years already. In some ways I feel like I have known Al forever, and yet ten years seems like such a long time. These past ten years have been the best ten years of my life. I love my family and cherish memories of "life before Al," but Al has added so much love and joy to my life that nothing can compare. While I am confident that I could survive without Al, I would never want to live without him. Ephesians 3:20 says that God "is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine." Al is "immeasurably more" than I could ask or imagine in a husband. I could go on, but I'll spare you any more of the mushy stuff.

So, I probably will not be posting anything new for the next 7 days. The ship has Internet access, but I think you have to pay for it. And, no offense, but I probably won't be thinking about my blog readers much. Al, on the other hand, may not be able to restrain himself. So, if you're hoping for an update on the cruise you can check to see if Al posts anything ;)

Receiving God's Blessings

2007-05-18T16:15:00.000-05:00

Recently I have been practicing the discipline of receiving. While this may not sound like much of a discipline, I am finding that it is not always easy. What do I mean by the discipline of receiving? I am being more intentional about looking for ways that God may wants to bless me. It may not sound easy, but it can be. At least, it's often difficult for me because receiving God's blessings often requires relinquishing my own plans and ideas of what is best for me.

Let me be clear, I am not talking about a "health and wealth" type of blessing. It's all too easy for me to accept that kind of blessing. Instead, I often have a difficult time accepting God's grace and peace. I try to do everything on my own and put too much trust in my own accomplishments. At the end of each day I feel best about myself when I can recite a list of things I have accomplished. As in, "Today I worked for four hours at IVP, cleaned the house and took the kids to the park. It was a good day." The underlying assumption to this type of thinking is that my value is directly related to what I do or accomplish each day instead of who I am.

This doesn't leave much room for God's grace or peace. I usually rush through each day and things like playing with my kids and praying become "tasks" I "should" accomplish rather than relational gifts. Instead of experiencing God's grace and peace, I feel stressed and guilty. Instead of receiving God's blessings for me I try and earn his favor. How silly.

One Sunday I was feeling particularly stressed and worn out. "I really need some time to myself today," I thought. "I'll escape into a good book for the afternoon." I'd been reading for all of five minutes when Josiah ran up and declared, "I want to play tennis. Can we go play tennis?" I stopped reading for a moment to consider his request. Maybe Al would be willing to take him. I could stay home and put in a video to keep Elijah occupied. Then I remembered my spiritual director's comment that I look for ways to have more fun, to receive fun as a gift from God. (As a "one" on the enneagram, "fun" is a sign of health for me.)

Hmmm, I thought, maybe God is inviting me to have fun with my family today... So instead of being self-absorbed and clinging to my perceived need to read for awhile, I went out to play tennis with my family. And do you know what? I had fun. I had more fun than I would have had reading my book. The physical activity was good for my physical health, the connection with family was good for my emotional health and my awareness of this simple thing as a gift from God was good for my spiritual health. And by receiving this gift from God I blessed my family. Al and I felt more connected as a couple and as parents and both of our kids had fun.

I think the discipline of receiving is related to God's will, but from a different perspective than I am used to. Instead of asking, "What is God's will for me today? What does God want me to do?" I am asking, "What does God desire for me today and how can I best respond?" The focus shifts from me and what I can do for God to what God wants to do in my life. When I receive and accept God's desire for me, I find that his desire (his "will") often blesses me so that I can bless others. Not every blessing looks like a good gift when it is first offered, but when I decide to accept something as a gift from God it often ends up blessing me in a way I did not expect.

So I am continuing to look for simple ways to receive God's blessings each day. Sometimes that means choosing to have fun instead of completing one more task. Other times it means taking a moment of quiet to connect with God or someone else in the midst of a busy schedule. I am finding that I feel more at peace and less self-reliant and that God's blessings to me often make me a blessing to someone else.

Tag, I'm It

2007-05-18T12:57:00.000-05:00

Well, I was going to post about the spiritual discipline of receiving, but Stacey tagged me to share 8 random facts about myself. That's an easier post for a busy week, so here goes:

1) I played Fiona, the female lead, in my high school's production of the musical "Brigadoon." I thought I was really great until I watched the video with Al while we were dating. They taped the worst night of the show and, well, it was painful and embarrassing to watch.

2) I sang "Little Road to Bethlehem" with First Call during a concert they gave with my college. My music professor wouldn't even let me see the video. He said the sound quality was really bad. I suspect I was really bad. My mom was so proud of me. She cried all over Bonnie Keen thanking her for "making my little girl's dream come true!" It was sweet, but really embarrassing too.

3) I travelled with The Continental Singers after my sophomore year of college.

4) I have participated in two pageants: a pre-teen pageant when I was in fifth grade and the Miss MBC pageant when I was a freshman in college. One of the questions at the pre-teen pageant was "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I planned to say that I wanted to be a singer or a cashier (I loved pushing buttons...), but my mom made me say I wanted to be a teacher instead. I didn't win a title in either pageant.

5) I rarely travelled outside of Wisconsin until I went to college. Since then I have travelled to England, Germany, the Dominican Republic, Canada, South Korea and China (in addition to various states in the U.S.). Most of the this travel has been for work. Here's a photo of me sledding down from the Great Wall of China.

6) I am an INFJ on the MYERS-BRIGGS TYPE INDICATOR®.

7) I have been leading worship in various contexts since I was in high school.

8) I co-directed a children's Christmas pageant, Candy Cane Lane, while in college. At the time I couldn't understand my co-director's insistence on honoring the copyright by not making our own copies of the practice tape. Now that I am the subsidiary rights manager for InterVarsity Press, I am glad she convinced me to do the right thing.

Okay, so I'm supposed to tag eight more people, but I don't really know 8 other bloggers well enough to tag them. I read a lot of blogs, but tend to lurk more often than not. I'm a little shy that way. The three or so people who actually read my blog will just have to be happy with learning a little more useless information about me I guess.

Mother's Day

2007-05-14T10:43:00.000-05:00

For Mother's Day this year Josiah made me a card and a ceramic photo ornament at preschool. Inside the card was a drawing of me and the following fill-in-the-blank piece:

My mom is the most wonderful mom in the world!

Her name is Ellen. She's pretty as a rainbow. She is 22 years old. She has blue eyes and blond hair. She weighs 22 pounds and is 20' 22'' tall. Her favorite food is coffee. I think Mom is funny when she is fancy. But I know she she's really angry when I play with my food. I wouldn't trade my mom from "Star Wars". I love me mom because she's beautiful!

I love being a mom! Who else but a five-year old would describe someone as "pretty as a rainbow"? How sweet.

One of the things I asked for as a Mother's Day treat was to sleep in. As in, "Please do not come into my room and jump on me at 6:30 a.m.!" They honored my request. Al got up with Elijah at 6:00 a.m. and Josiah quietly popped in sometime during the morning to leave a "Happy Mother's Day" sign on my bed stand, but other than that I was able to sleep as late as I wanted. The funny thing is that I actually missed having everyone pile into our bed.

Tooth Torture

2007-05-11T10:40:00.000-05:00

I noticed a spot on Josiah's teeth a few weeks ago and set up dentist appointment. Even though Josiah brushes his teeth two or three times a day and eats a limited amount of sweets, he has already had five cavities filled and I was worried this was yet another one. It turns out one of his previous fillings didn't work and the tooth had become infected. So, we were referred to a pediatric dentist who could "fix" his tooth.

Josiah was in a great mood the day of his appointment. He got in the car before I even asked him to and was all smiles and good humor. He was delighted with the Superman pillow they gave him for his feet and was very cooperative while the dentist examined his teeth.

Things took a turn for the worse once the dentist decided she needed to pull the tooth. Do you watch Alias? This morning I had a flashback of watching the tooth extraction and it occurred to me that it was very similar to some of the torture scenes in Alias. The main difference was that instead of holding him down and yelling, "Tell us who you work for!" I was holding Josiah down and saying, "You're okay. You're doing a great job!" For his part, Josiah was writhing in agony and screaming. It was horrible. Like I said, I'm having flashbacks.

Josiah is feeling much better now. I bought him $30 worth of soft foods (applesauce, yogurt, ice cream, Popsicles, etc) and he spent the day watching videos and playing games. The next day he showed his missing tooth to all of his preschool friends and their parents, proudly declaring, "I lost my tooth! The dentist had to take it out. It had a cavity." The small Lego set the "tooth fairy" left under his pillow may have helped cheer him up.

Meanwhile, I am still in mourning for his tooth. This is one of my favorite photos of Josiah (taken before the tooth was pulled). Doesn't he have a handsome smile? It will be another five or six years before his adult tooth comes in (which means we have to go back to the dentist two more times to have a space maintainer fitted and installed). That's okay though. He's starting to lose some of his baby teeth naturally, so he'll be gap-toothed for awhile anyway. And it isn't his teeth that make his smile so wonderful, it's his personality and exuberance.

Elijah's Surgery

2007-05-08T09:06:00.000-05:00

Elijah had minor surgery last Thursday. He needed to have his PE tubes (in his ears) replaced. He also had his tear ducts probed and tubes installed in his tear ducts. We thought we might need to reschedule the surgery since Elijah had a runny nose, but the doctors examined him and then gave the go ahead to proceed.

Elijah was great. We had to arrive at the hospital at 6:30 a.m., which meant we both had to get up earlier than usual to make the 45 minute drive and arrive on time. Elijah wasn't supposed to eat anything before the surgery, but he was in a remarkably good mood for a tired and hungry kid. The surgery was scheduled for 8:30 and didn't actually happen until closer to 9:00, so we had a long wait. The nurse was very concerned about Elijah's runny nose and spent time on the phone with our ENT (Ear, Nose & Throat doctor) and other doctors. Elijah spent the time exploring the room (opening every door and drawer and trying to toss medical supplies around the room), taking off his slippers over and over again and riding in a wagon the hospital had available for the younger patients. I spent the time wiping Elijah's nose, keeping Elijah out of drawers and pulling a wagon around the halls (and around and around and around...)

The surgery itself was pretty quick. Our ENT, Dr. Marra, is really fast. I didn't have time to finish reading more than a few pages in my book when Dr. Marra came into the waiting room and tapped my shoulder. The first part of the surgery had gone well. Elijah had new tubes, clean ears and all of the extra fluid that makes it hard for him to hear had been drained. The second part of the surgery (his tear ducts) took a little longer. Even so, Dr. Ticho (the eye doctor) came out for me before I finished reading my chapter. Elijah's eyes were fine and his tear ducts were free from obstruction.

Within a few minutes I was called back to the recovery room. Elijah was very upset. He had gone into surgery smiling and complacent, but now he was wailing. As soon as he saw me he stretched his arms out towards me. I dropped my coat and bags and rushed over to hold him. For the next hour he cried and I held him. They moved us from the recovery room to a private room and Elijah had to get into the crib for the transport. He did not want to get back in the crib and I had to keep my arm around him for the entire trip.

They wanted Elijah to drink something before they removed his IV. Elijah wanted them to get rid of the IV before he did anything. His right hand and arm were taped to a plastic board with the IV in his hand. He couldn't hold a cup or use his signs to communicate. He was very frustrated and batted away every cup we offered him and refused to eat the Popsicle. I finally pulled out some banana flavored puffs (one of his current favorites) and he calmed down enough to eat a few handfuls of the puffs and take a few sips of water. Soon after that they took out the IV and told us we were free to go home.

I'm thankful the surgery went well and that, other than the first hour, Elijah's recovery has been a breeze. Now I just need to get ready for Josiah's kiddie root canal tomorrow...

Salvation Belongs to Our God

2007-04-30T10:08:00.000-05:00

One of the things I appreciate about Anglican worship is the commitment to the public reading of Scripture. Each week we read four lessons, usually one from the Old Testament, one from the Psalms, one from the Epistles and one from the Gospels. Some weeks I am particularly encouraged by one or more of the readings.

This week, it was the reading of Revelation 7:9-17 that made me teary. I had a number of things on my mind. Al and I were leading music for the service and I was feeling inadequate to the task. The songs I had selected felt uninspired and I came into worship feeling frazzled and hurried. We had also just learned that Bob Webber, whom I studied under and respected, had passed away the evening before. In addition, I'd recently read an account of the martyrdom of three men in Turkey. I did not know these men, but felt somewhat connected to them because they worked in publishing.

The reading began:

9 After this I looked, and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. 10 And they cried out in a loud voice:
"Salvation belongs to our God,
who sits on the throne,
and to the Lamb."
11 All the angels were standing around the throne and around the elders and the four living creatures. They fell down on their faces before the throne and worshiped God, 12 saying:
"Amen!
Praise and glory
and wisdom and thanks and honor
and power and strength
be to our God for ever and ever.
Amen!"

I was startled to realize that a week ago, while planning worship for this service, I had selected "Salvation Belongs To Our God" as one of the Eucharist songs. I hadn't known this Scripture was part of the lectionary for today when I was choosing music and was encouraged that the Holy Spirit had inspired my choice of songs even though I felt uninspired. I am thankful that even when we feel inadequate, God chooses to work in and through us to the glory of his name.

The reading continued:

13 Then one of the elders asked me, "These in white robes—who are they, and where did they come from?"
14 I answered, "Sir, you know."

And he said, "These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. 15 Therefore,
"they are before the throne of God
and serve him day and night in his temple;
and he who sits on the throne
will spread his tent over them.

16 'Never again will they hunger;
never again will they thirst.
The sun will not beat down on them,'
nor any scorching heat.

17 For the Lamb at the center before the throne
will be their shepherd;
'he will lead them to springs of living water.'
'And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.'"

As I listened, I had the image of Bob and the three martyrs worshiping before the throne of God, their robes washed white. And at that moment, instead of focusing on the sadness of their deaths, I was reminded of the victory of Christ over death in a very real way.

We sing an "Alleluia" after the Epistle reading to prepare for the Gospel reading. I was so overwhelmed with God's goodness that my heart sang "Alleluia! Alleluia! Give thanks to the risen Lord," but my voice was choked up and I moved the microphone away allowing the congregation to carry the song as we joined all those around God's throne praising the Risen Lord.

Disorderly Disciplines

2007-04-27T10:45:00.000-05:00

I recently read Jenell Williams Paris's article, "Disorderly Disciplines" (Christianity Today, May 2007) where she talks about how becoming a mother ruined her ability to be disciplined about spirituality.

Many of the spiritual disciplines were developed by monastics who valued regularity and solitude; words like order and rule describe them. Family life, while no less holy than monastic life, makes consistent order impossible. The wild rhythm of parenting persuades me that monastic life cannot provide the only model for spiritual discipline. In fact, some seasons of life may be better suited to spiritual undiscipline. In contrast to the stability of monasticism, motherhood offers a catch-as-catch-can spirituality.

I am drawn to the idea of spiritual disciplines, but have always found it difficult to maintain any specific discipline. I've practiced various disciplines including daily quiet time (reading the Bible and praying), practicing solitude and silence, journaling and listening to an audio devotional. Each of these disciplines has been helpful in its season, but I've never been able to maintain a single discipline for very long. Becoming a mother has made most disciplined approaches to spirituality difficult at best and impossible at worst. More often than not I end up with a "catch-as-catch-can spirituality" comprised of bed-time Bible stories, God-moments with our kids (those wonderful and often unexpected opportunities to talk to our kids about God and God's work in the world) and meal time prayers.

Jenell's article was a welcome reminder that spirituality does not look the same for every person or during every stage in life. Some disciplines that are appropriate and helpful during one stage of life may be less helpful, or maybe even inappropriate, during a later stage of life. We cannot expect everyone else to connect with God in the exact same way that we do.

A few years ago I was part of a committee that was drafting a commitment card for worship team members to sign. One person on the committee wanted to include a commitment to spending 15 minutes with God each day. I forget if he specified that those 15 minutes were to be spent reading the Bible and praying, but that seemed to be the expectation. I was upset and argued for different wording. Yes, it is important to spend time with God and reading the Bible and praying are good spiritual practices. But spirituality doesn't look the same for everyone.

I do not set aside a specific amount of time to spend with God each day and cannot name a specific discipline I am currently practicing on a daily basis. And yet I find myself connecting with God and seeking his grace. I find myself praying as I read or listen to disturbing news, when I learn about a co-worker who is struggling or when I am at my wit's end with the kids. I am moved by children's Bible stories. I am reminded of God's grace in the simple things our kids say and do. I hear God's whisper in the books I read, the music I listen to and in conversations with friends. I see examples of God's love for me in the way my husband shows his love for me.

So, with Jenell, I practice "disorderly disciplines" and am thankful that God is willing and able to meet us in different ways, often using the mundane things in life to remind us of his character and grace.

Body Image and Culture

2007-04-24T08:13:00.000-05:00

Last Tuesday I came across an interesting article in the Chicago Sun-Times. According to Country struggles to end force-feeding of girls by Rukmini Callimachi obesity is considered attractive in Mauritania, North Africa and parents sometimes force-feed their daughters to make them more beautiful. One girl was forced to drink 14 gallons of camel's milk each day from the time she turned four years old.

Some of the quotes were completely opposite of what you might hear from a typical woman in the U.S.A. One North African woman said, "My husband thinks I'm not fat enough." Another wants to gain more than 20 pounds and wants to be big "because men like that."

Whether the cultural definition of beauty is fat or thin, women are making themselves ill trying to be beautiful. Mey Mint, one of the women quoted in the article, said "My mother thinks she made me beautiful. But she made me sick." So while women in the U.S.A. starve themselves in an effort lose 20 pounds or more, women in North Africa are suffering from health risks associated with obesity (diabetes, heart disease, etc) as they struggle to gain weight. Both countries objectify women, encouraging them to unhealthy extremes of weight without regard for their health.

While I am glad that there is not a single definition of beauty, I wish women were encouraged to be healthy instead of being a particular weight or build.

Kindergarten

2007-04-20T13:52:00.000-05:00

Well, it's almost time for Josiah to start kindergarten. I attended a Kindergarten Roundup meeting for parents this week and received a stack of flyers, handouts and packets of information about what to expect and how to get involved with PTA.

I'm sure that Josiah is ready for Kindergarten. He can read and write. He has counted to at least 200, can do basic addition and subtraction and knows his shapes and colors. He loves preschool and enjoys playing with other kids. Yep, he's ready.

I'm just not sure if I'm ready. One mother commented on how happy I must be getting the first kid off to school so that I would have more time to do other things. But, you know, that's not what I look forward to. I am excited for him to learn new things and make new friends, but I fell a little sad transitioning into a time when he will spend so much time at school. He's fun to be around (most of the time) and I love playing with him, laughing with him and watching him grow and learn. I know that won't all go away once he starts school, but it still feels like a small loss. And I suspect that the next 13 years will fly by and that he will be heading off for college all too soon.

It's almost time for Josiah to start Kindergarten. I can't believe how quickly the last five years have flown by. I have the whole summer to prepare myself, but I'm pretty sure I'll end up crying after I drop him off for his first day of school.

Too Many Jeans

2007-04-16T13:41:00.000-05:00

How many pairs of jeans do you own? Last week I was listening to a Christian radio station on my way home and the DJs were discussing that the average woman in the U.S.A. owns 20 to 25 pairs of jeans. So they were taking calls from listeners who were willing to tell how many pairs of jeans they owned. I wasn't able to listen very long, but a lot of the people who called in owned 25 or more pair of jeans! And that doesn't include capris, dress slacks or other types of pants.

In an interesting juxtaposition, I heard a story on NPR earlier in the day about widows in India. One widow mentioned that she cannot buy any cloths. Her family takes turns buying her one sari each year.

I own six pairs of jeans: two pair that are old and have holes in the knees, two pair that are too big (kept from when I was had post-pregnancy weight), one pair that is white and one pair that I actually wear. How sad that I have five pairs of jeans sitting in my dresser that I rarely wear while other people can't even afford to buy one outfit each year.

Tired

2007-04-13T13:20:00.000-05:00

I am tired.

I am tired of tasks that never seem to end. I am tired of scheduling doctor and therapy appointments. I am tired of vacuuming, sweeping the kitchen floor and doing laundry. I am tired of rearranging my schedule to fit everyone else's needs. I am tired of reading book contracts and catalog copy. I am tired of trying so hard to be perfect at everything. It is really wearing me out.

The other day Elijah had his 2-year old check up. I was feeling a little ill, so Al agreed to take him instead. As soon as they left I started to worry. I am the one who usually attends Elijah's therapy sessions and medical appointments. What if the doctor asks Al something and he doesn't know? What if Elijah needs a clean diaper after they weigh him? What if Al doesn't ask the right questions or remember all of the doctor's recommendations? So I grabbed the diaper bag, had Josiah put on his coat and shoes and we rushed out to meet Al and Elijah at the doctor's office. It turns out that Elijah did need a clean diaper and I probably provided more information than Al would have been able to, but I don't think it was as necessary for me to there as I had convinced myself.

My spiritual director is convinced that it would be good for me to have more fun, to receive opportunities to enjoy life when I am tempted to strive towards perfection instead. You would think this would be easy, but my inner critic actually makes this somewhat difficult. My inner critic takes the invitation to, "Go ahead and have fun once in a while" and makes it a command, "You should have more fun." So even having fun becomes another task instead of an invitation. And so, I often feel guilty no matter what decision I make. If I play with the kids all morning, I feel guilty that I didn't clean the house. If I clean the house, I feel guilty that I didn't play with kids. If I play with the kids and clean the house, I feel guilty that I didn't finish some other task on my never ending list of things to do.

I am thankful for the days when I am able to receive opportunities to enjoy life, for the times I am able to be present to the moment instead of deciding what task needs to be accomplished next.

Happy Birthday Elijah!

2007-04-09T16:37:00.000-05:00

Sunday was Elijah's second birthday. It was a pretty full day celebrating both Easter and his birthday, but it was a lot of fun. It's hard to believe that Elijah is already two years old!

We are so proud of Elijah. He has a great laugh and gives wonderful hugs. He enjoys it when we tickle him and even when Josiah wrestles with him. He loves to read books and watch Signing Time and other kids' shows. He is walking and climbing and transitioning from sitting to standing without help. He can play at the playground now instead of sitting in the swing or stroller watching everyone else.

He knows at least twenty to thirty signs and is learning new signs every week. He will sit and look through his Signing Time books and do the sign for each picture. It's very cute and it's encouraging to see him identifying and naming objects on his own.

With all of these achievements, Elijah is also starting to get into trouble more often. He loves to take the grates off of the heater vents and occasionally throws a toy into the vent. Josiah is very vigilant about protecting the vents. A few times each day we hear the clunk of Elijah removing a grate immediately followed by Josiah running across the house yelling, "No, Elijah!" (I think Josiah will pass his hearing screening with flying colors!) If we are not careful to push all of the dining room chairs in, we are certain to find Elijah sitting in a chair or on top of the table.

Elijah wore a new outfit for Easter and his birthday. By the end of the day he figured out how to use his vest to play "Peek-a-boo!"

We're so glad that Elijah is part of our family. It's fun to watch him grow and learn. He is a blessing and brings us a lot of joy.

A Grumpy Day

2007-04-04T09:54:00.000-05:00

It's amazing how one event can set the tone for an entire day. Yesterday Elijah deleted a seven-page talk Al was preparing on the computer. Somehow, possibly with Josiah's help, the contents of the file were not only deleted, but the file was also closed without being saved. Al called me at work in great distress and frustration. By the time I got home Elijah was just waking up from his nap and he was very grouchy. It took half an hour to calm him down and convince him to eat lunch and by that time I was getting grouchy too.

Elijah had therapy after lunch. The session went well, but not great. Elijah is starting to exert independence and test boundaries. It's wonderful that he is reaching a new developmental milestone, but pretty frustrating too. He throws toys and food in disdain and insists on lifting the heater vents and tossing things in. All completely normal activities for someone who is almost two years old, but activities that drive me nuts.

We picked Josiah up from preschool and played at a local playground for awhile. Josiah played "Red Light, Green Light" with some friends. When it was his turn to be the "red light" though, he refused to say "green light." He wanted to be the "red light" forever and did not give his friends a chance to get near him. Instead he made up his own rules. "Banana light! That means you have to pretend to eat a banana...Orange light! That means you have to go back to the beginning." I was torn about whether to intervene and remind Josiah to play by the rules or to let him experience the natural consequence of his friends deciding not to play the game anymore. I ended up tossing out, "Josiah, you have to say green light" from time to time. He didn't listen and his friends quit and suggested a new game.

The evening went well enough, but Al and I were both feeling tired and grouchy. I completed paperwork for enrolling Josiah in Kindergarten. Then Josiah and I made an Easter banner for church while Elijah tried to climb on the table and grab all of our supplies. Al folded laundry and tried to keep Elijah occupied so he wouldn't grab more craft supplies. By the time the kids were in bed Al and I both were exhausted. We climbed into bed to read for awhile and thanked each other for putting up with our grouchiness.

Other than the incident with Al's file being deleted, yesterday was pretty normal. But it seems like that one incident made us all a little grumpier and less patient than usual. Lord, have mercy. But that was yesterday. Today is a new day. With God's help, I hope to be more patient and loving today.

$100 Project

2007-04-02T10:53:00.000-05:00

Awhile ago Al blogged about the $100 project and invited people to join in and blog about their experience. I usually try not to talk about my charitable giving. If I hear Al mention a charitable gift we have given, even in passing, I usually elbow him and mutter "right hand, left hand!" (a reference to Mt 6:3). So, blogging about what I did for the $100 project feels a little awkward. And yet, for some reason, it also feels important to join in the project and to share my experience with others.

When Al first posted his $100 project blog, I assumed that his $100 counted as mine too. We're married and most of our charitable giving is done in both of our names. So I figured I would help Al decide what we should do with our $100 and that would be all. Then I received a $100 honorarium for leading worship at a retreat. I starting to think about how I could spend the money. I could buy more stamps and other card making supplies, or I could use it towards an anniversary gift for Al... And then a quiet whisper, "You know, its $100. Remember Al's blog. You could give it away."

My first response was not very nice. "Give it away!? But this is one of the few times I earn extra money that I can justify spending on me." I didn't have any immediate opportunities to spend the money anyway, so I put it aside and started to pray about it. I didn't pray particularly often or very fervently, but I did ask God what I should do with the money. Should I give it to an organization or should I find a more personal way to give the money to someone in need? Should I use it to help poor people, people with disabilities, or something else? Was giving to an organization instead of finding something local and more personal a cop-out?

Then I began to notice that one organization was coming to my attention more frequently than usual. While reviewing a video for work, I saw a segment about International Justice Mission (IJM). Shortly after that I read a brief news blurb about a successful mission that IJM accomplished in freeing children who were enslaved in the sex industry. I am familiar with IJM because the publisher I work for publishes Good News About Injustice by Gary Haugen, the president and CEO of IJM. I had also heard someone from IJM speak at the Urbana 06 Student Missions Convention. Finally, last week Al was reading Terrify No More, a book documenting the events leading up to, and surrounding, IJM’s raids in the notorious Cambodian village of Svay Pak where their workers rescued 37 underage victims of sex trafficking, many of them under the age of 10. I read a few chapters before we had to return the book to the library and made my decision.

Since the work of IJM includes a few different areas that I am particularly concerned about (injustice, children in need, slavery, sex trafficking) and since IJM seems to be coming to my attention more frequently than usual (something God often uses to catch my attention), I decided to give my $100 to them. I imagine that $100 is a small amount for IJM in comparison to what they need, but I hope God will use my small gift to help rescue people who are experiencing injustice and help on their journey to find hope and healing.

A Great Bible Story Book

2007-03-26T16:31:00.000-05:00

I used to feel guilty that our family did not have a family devotion time. Then I realized that we actually do, I just enjoy it so much that I did not consider it an official discipline. Each night we read a Bible story and pray together as a part of our kids' bedtime routine. We sometimes add additional activities during special times of the year like Advent and Lent. Our five-year old enjoys some parts more than others, but reading a Bible story is usually our favorite.

We have used various Bible storybooks over the past five years, but my favorite is The Jesus Storybook Bible. We started reading this like we usually read Bible storybooks: pick a story and read it. After a couple of nights we realized that this book was actually intended to be read from beginning to end, so we went back and started at the beginning. Each chapter explains the story's significance as part of God's great rescue plan. The writing is simple enough for children to understand but creative enough to keep the attention of kids and adults. The illustrations are very well done, too. They reflect the ethnicity of the characters, which is something our family appreciates. Jesus is portrayed with dark hair and eyes and looks fairly ordinary, a nice break from portrayals of Jesus as strong and handsome with blond hair and blue eyes.

I love this book! I think the best feature is that each story focuses on God, which is a refreshing change from Bible stories that make each and every story about you, the reader. Instead of using the stories to convince the reader to be more obedient or faithful, these stories focus on God's redemptive work throughout history. I sometimes get a little weepy while reading. And the true test; when we get to the end of each chapter our five-year old is eager to read the next chapter. We peek at the next page, showing just a glimpse of what is to come, then close the book saying, "Oh, we can't read that yet. That story is for tomorrow."

Kiss me, I'm Cute!

2007-03-20T08:13:00.000-05:00

This St. Patrick's day I was explaining to our five-year old that he is part Irish. I was trying to get him to say, "Kiss me! I'm Irish." He refused saying, "Irish is not my favorite thing to be." So, instead he said, "Kiss me, I'm cute!" all day. I was feeling a little sad that Josiah was not embracing Irishness as a part of who he is. Finally, right before bed he said, "Kiss me, I'm Irish!" and I felt a little better.

We don't usually spend a lot of time discussing ethnicity, but when we do we tend to talk about his Asian heritage more than his Irish-German heritage. Al is a second generation Asian-American and is more in touch with his Asian identity. His mom watches our kids twice a week so they have a direct source for information about Asia. She cooks Asian food, gives our kids red envelopes for Chinese New Year and is teaching Josiah a little of the Chinese language.

I don't know much about my ethnic heritage. I know that my mom's grandparents came to the USA from Germany and that my dad's family has a mix of Irish, German and other European ancestors. My family has its own traditions and ways of doing things, but I don't know if any of them are specifically Irish or German or anything else. My grandma has mentioned that when she was growing up her family worked hard to fit into American culture to the detriment of maintaining their German culture. For example, she was encouraged to speak English all the time, even though her parents spoke German.

I wish I knew more about my family's history so that I could help my own kids better understand their ethnic heritage, but I'm not really motivated enough to start doing a lot of research. Maybe I'll try to spend more time with my grandma during our next visit and ask about her family's history.

A Sad Story

2007-03-16T17:50:00.000-05:00

This week I met with someone from Latin America whose wife works with disabled people. One of his wife's ministries is helping churches support and encourage people with disabilities and their families. As an example of why this is such important work, he told me the story of one family. This family had two healthy children and were dedicated members of their church, which taught a "health and wealth" gospel. When they learned that their third child, who was not born yet, had a disability their pastor asked them not to bring their disabled child to church...ever. It would raise too many questions. So for ten years the family kept their disabled child at home and didn't tell anyone at their church that the child even existed.

I was appalled to hear this story! When a family learns that their child has a disability or a birth defect of some sort they need support and encouragement, not weak theology that cannot accept the reality they are living. Jesus welcomed people who were marginalized (sick people, children, sinners, etc). The church should do the same.

I am so thankful for Church of the Savior. They have prayed for and supported us when we were feeling sad and uncertain and have warmly embraced Elijah as part of our church family. Our church loves Elijah for who he is and celebrates with us when he reaches important milestones. They are aware of some of the different issues he faces, but they do not treat Elijah like a problem to be solved. They just love him just like they love the other kids at our church.

I wish all churches were as supportive as our own and pray that God will help all of us (myself included) be more accepting and loving towards people who are different from us. And may God bless the ministry of my Latin American friend and his wife.

Psalm 139

2007-03-09T12:19:00.000-06:00

I used to like Psalm 139. You know, the one where the psalmist says,

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

In December 2004 we learned that our son, Elijah, had Down Syndrome. Since then this Psalm has made me angry. I tend to think that Down Syndrome is part of living in a fallen world rather than something God created on purpose, but this Psalm seems to indicate otherwise. So, I have been complaining to God, "If you knit Elijah together in my womb, why isn't he 'perfect'? He has a birth defect. How am I supposed to call that wonderful?"

Now, let me be clear, I love Elijah. He is a great kid with a wonderful laugh and he brings us so much joy. When we first received his diagnosis I thought he might be a burden to care for, but he isn't. Taking care of Elijah is not that much different than raising his brother Josiah.

That being said, I still irks me to think that God intentionally "knit" Elijah together with an extra chromosome and I have been quite open with God about this. I have been reading Philip Yancey's new book Prayer. His chapters on unanswered prayer have been particularly helpful. Last night I read the chapter on physical healing, which mentions Down Syndrome specifically and talks about how God usually chooses to work within the laws of nature. Miracles happen, but they are the exception rather than the rule.

When I finished the chapter I talked with God regarding Down Syndrome yet again. And this time the image that came to mind was God carefully knitting a child together, but using yarn that was dirty and broken. The yarn was not his choice, but it was what he had to work with and he made the most beautiful child he could using imperfect materials.

Elijah is a wonderful creation of God. He may not be "perfect," but God took imperfect genes and "knit together" a beautiful child. Elijah is fearfully and wonderfully made. I don't understand the mysteries of how God works in a fallen world, but I trust his goodness. And for the first time in a long time Psalm 139 brings tears of joy instead of tears of pain.

Toddler Hugs

2007-03-02T09:05:00.000-06:00

Very few things in the world are as wonderful as hugs from my kids. We begin each day with a "good morning hug" (complete with a song now), punctuate the day with hugs and end each day with a hug. Josiah is in the "I love you so much I want to crush you" stage. Getting a hug from him is sometimes like getting run over by a bulldozer.

Elijah, on the other hand, just figured out hugs yesterday. I was sitting in the living room reading a book when he toddled over (he's starting to take a lot more steps now!) and held his arms up in the classic "pick me up" pose. I gathered him into my lap and we just sat and listened to some music together. Then he leaned into me, wrapped his little arms around my shoulders and squeezed. I said, "Thanks for the hug, Elijah." And something clicked in his little head. Before yesterday Elijah would occasionally squeeze us a bit, but there weren't any obvious hugs. Yesterday, after I thanked him for the first hug, he started giving me a hug every 30 seconds or so. He would lean over and squeeze. I would squeeze back and say, "Thanks for the hug." Then he would let go and sit for a moment before leaning back in for another hug.

Dinner was about fifteen minutes late last night. I was busy being hugged by my toddler and getting dinner ready was not important enough to interrupt us.

First Steps

2007-02-19T11:03:00.000-06:00

I remember Josiah's first step very clearly. He was almost ten months old and was at the stage where you could set him down and he would stand on his own, but wasn't quite walking yet. We were at church where Al was rehearsing with the worship team and Josiah and I were hanging out waiting for him. I set Josiah down in the church aisle and, YAY! He took a step! Happy and excited I took him to the foyer and set him down again. He took another step or two. I don't remember the transition from first step to actually walking, but I think it was just a fairly short time before Josiah started walking on a regular basis.

Things are different with Elijah. He is slower to progress and his "firsts" are not always as clear. I was working on speech with him the other week. I would show him a flashcard and say the name of the object/animal taking care to enunciate clearly and speak loudly (he may have a slight hearing loss). "Cow" (point to the picture and show him the sign). And again, "cow" (giving separate emphasis to each letter). Elijah made a sign similar to "cow" and said "ck." Great job! Then "Egg," (pointing and enunciating. I don't know the sign though). Elijah pointed and said "gh." Did he just say "egg"? Or was that just a "g" sound that sounded like "egg"? I think it sounded like "egg." So, is his first word "egg"? Hmmm. I probably can't count that as a first word since he hasn't said it again, but it's wonderful that he is beginning to imitate sounds!

The other day I heard Josiah and Elijah playing together in the other room. I walked over to check on them and Josiah had Elijah propped with his back against the wall. Elijah smiled, took a small step and then toppled over. Was that his first step? I propped Elijah against the wall
again and squatted a few feet in front of him with my arms spread out. He took two or three small steps and sat down again. Yay! Josiah and I clapped and cheered while Elijah smiled and clapped for himself. We´ve been trying this a few times each day and sometimes he takes a step or two and other times, especially when we have a camera in hand, he just sits down.

So, I think that was Elijah's first steps. But, I don't know. Do they really count? I mean, was it "cheating" to prop him against the wall first? And the steps were so small; do they really count? I don't know for sure? Do I write this in his baby book or wait for a more obvious step?

I may not be able to write down a specific date for all of Elijah's firsts in the same way I did for Josiah, but I don´t think it matters. I am still incredibly proud of Elijah. And I am just as happy about Elijah's first steps as I am about Josiah's. Elijah has to work harder to do things a lot of
other kids do without as much difficulty. Rather than being discouraged by what Elijah cannot do, I am proud of what he can do and what he is working towards. Beyond that, I love and celebrate both of my children for who they are. They are made in God's image and have great value regardless of what they can or cannot do.

Merry Christmas 2006

2006-12-14T07:48:00.000-06:00

A blessed Advent season to you! We’ve had another full and invigorating year. We celebrated Elijah’s first birthday this April, a milestone we commemorated with three separate parties. We are tremendously grateful for all the ways that he has been growing; his therapists are all very pleased with his physical and cognitive development. He had minor surgery to put tubes in his ears and has been hearing better ever since. He has been learning to communicate with sign language and recently signed a three-sign sentence: “eat,” “all done” and “bye!” At meals he has this little salute where it looks like he’s waving, “Waiter!” He’s now happily cruising and climbing up and down the stairs with a minimum of tumbling. His favorite book is Sandra Boynton’s Dinosaur’s Binkit.

Josiah is now five years old. This year he’s been fascinated with I Spy books, and he’s enjoyed David Wiesner’s books (including a postmodern, alternative retelling of The Three Pigs and his latest, Flotsam) and Mo Willems’s pigeon books, most recently Don’t Let the Pigeon Stay Up Late! He’s been doing well in preschool, learning math and spelling, and on occasion has written little handmade books of stories. Josiah is also now into educational games on his Leapster and v.Smile, which of course are gateways to non-educational video games, like his current obsession, the Lego Star Wars game on PlayStation 2.

After two years of research, writing and revision, Al’s third book was released this June: The Suburban Christian: Finding Spiritual Vitality in the Land of Plenty. It was favorably reviewed in Publishers Weekly, Booklist and Books & Culture. In conjunction, he started blogging at thesuburbanchristian.blogspot.com and has wasted entirely too much time in the blogosphere since. He’s done a number of radio interviews and a bit of speaking and writing related to the book. (Let him know if you’d like to buy a signed copy!)

This July, we were in Denver for the International Christian Retail Show, and then we spent two weeks on campus at Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Michigan. There Al was a participant in a Calvin Seminar in Christian Scholarship on the topic of writing as Christian proclamation, and we discussed books such as Brian McLaren’s A Generous Orthodoxy, Rob Bell’s Velvet Elvis and Russell Rathbun’s Post-Rapture Radio. Ellen and the boys came along, and Josiah and Elijah had a great time in the seminar kids’ program, going to the children’s museum and the beach, picking blueberries and going on treasure hunts.

At the end of the summer, Ellen had a business trip to Asia and Al tagged along. We first spent a weekend in Seoul, South Korea, to meet with several publishers that Ellen works with in her international rights work. We visited the world’s largest church and did a little sightseeing. Then we had a week in China for the Beijing International Book Fair. We learned about publishing opportunities in China and also got to see how various church and children’s ministries are doing there. We also visited the Great Wall, Tiananmen Square, the Forbidden City and the Temple of Heaven. Al picked up a bunch of 2008 Beijing Olympics stuff. In October, Ellen went to Germany again for the Frankfurt Book Fair.

We’ve been continuing to lead worship at our church once or twice a month, and visiting our local library is often a weekly event. We’ve also enjoyed getting to know other families through local Down syndrome networks and dinner groups. We got into Lost and have been working our way through season two. The only TV show we catch live is Heroes on Monday nights. And besides our ongoing hobbies of stamping and collecting comic books, we also started solving Sudoku puzzles. But as always, most of our discretionary time is spent reading. Here’s what kept us up late at night this year:

In fiction: We highly commend Dwelling Places by fellow Calvin seminar participant Vinita Hampton Wright, the award-winning This Heavy Silence by Wheaton prof Nicole Mazzarella, and Winter Birds by Jamie Langston Turner. We also appreciated The Memory Keeper’s Daughter by Kim Edwards and The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield. Ellen read the legal mysteries of Lisa Scottoline, the chick lit of Tracey Bateman and Jodi Picoult’s compelling My Sister’s Keeper. She also read through Lemony Snicket’s entire thirteen-volume Series of Unfortunate Events, including the final volume, The End. Al is not usually into vampire books, but he enjoyed Stephenie Meyer’s young adult novels Twilight and New Moon.

In non-fiction: Al appreciated The Long Tail by Wired editor Chris Anderson and The Wal-Mart Effect by Fast Company writer Charles Fishman. Not Buying It by Judith Levine is an interesting chronicle of a year without shopping. Sprawl: A Compact History by Robert Bruegmann is an important contribution to discussions about suburbia. 78 Reasons Why Your Book May Never Be Published by Pat Walsh is a brutally honest look at book publishing. And for nostalgic fun, we enjoyed Bill Watterson’s three-volume The Complete Calvin & Hobbes.

Some of this year’s most significant religion books were The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical by Shane Claiborne and Simply Christian: Why Christianity Makes Sense by N. T. Wright. There has been no shortage of recent books about evangelicalism, but one nice overview is Believers: A Journey into Evangelical America by U.S. News & World Report religion editor Jeffrey Sheler. Another noteworthy portrait of a religious subculture is Rumspringa: To Be or Not to Be Amish by Tom Shachtman.

Our favorites from IVP this year were The Contented Soul by Lisa McMinn, Evil and the Justice of God by N. T. Wright, Surprised by Jesus by Tim Stafford, The Danger of Raising Nice Kids by Timothy Smith, How Postmodernism Serves (My) Faith by Crystal Downing, Finding God Beyond Harvard by Kelly Monroe Kullberg, More Than Serving Tea edited by Nikki Toyama and Tracey Gee and Reconciliation Blues by Ed Gilbreath. IVP’s new Likewise line includes Is Belief in God Good, Bad or Irrelevant? by Preston Jones and punk-rocker-with-a-Ph.D. Greg Graffin, Flirting with Monasticism by Karen Sloan and Sacred Travels by Christian George. And to commemorate IVP’s 60^th anniversary, we published Heart. Soul. Mind. Strength. An Anecdotal History of InterVarsity Press, 1947-2007, by Andy Le Peau and Linda Doll. Since Al is such an IVP geek, he served as project editor for the history, and both Al and Ellen appear at various points in the narrative.

Shortly after Christmas, we’ll be off to Urbana 06 in St. Louis for a week of global missions and book sales. Blessings to you this new year!

Pictures from our trip to Korea and China

2006-09-11T09:17:00.000-05:00

If you're interested in our recent travels to South Korea and China, see my other blog posts about the church in China, children in China, and book publishing in China.

With the editorial staff of Korea IVP.

The world's largest church: Yoido Full Gospel Church in Seoul.

At the Great Wall of China.

Ellen taking the toboggan down from the Great Wall!

At the Beijing International Book Fair.

At Tiananmen Square.

At the Forbidden City.

With orphans in a foster home for kids recovering from medical procedures.

At the Temple of Heaven.

Ellen on losing Josiah at Target

2006-06-22T13:09:00.000-05:00

We lost Josiah at Target. He was only lost for five or ten minutes (if even that), but it was frightening. Al took Josiah to the bathroom and when they came out Josiah said, "I'll find Mommy!" and ran off. Al found me and we looked around the area we were in for a few minutes without any luck. After what was probably about two minutes, but felt longer, I rushed to the customer service desk while Al kept looking in another part of the store.

I was embarrassed to tell the clerk that we had lost our four-year old, but I reasoned that if someone kidnapped him I would spend the rest of my life wondering why I didn't tell the customer service representative sooner. So they announced a missing child alert over their walky-talkies and I had to tell a security guard what Josiah was wearing. As the guard was in the process of notifying store personnel that a child with a blue Mickey Mouse shirt and black and white shoes that light up was missing, Al walked over holding Josiah.

I was relieved to have found Josiah, but I worried about future incidents. So I tried to tell Josiah what he should do when he is lost. "Don't wander around looking for Mommy or Papa. Stay in one place. Find someone behind a counter or who is wearing a name tag." Josiah listened for a minute and looked at the people behind the counter. Then he said, "Mommy, I have a question," (which is Josiah's way of saying, "Can I talk now?"). "I wasn't lost. You were lost, Mommy. I could not find you!"

Josiah says the same thing each time we talk about being lost. "But Mommy, I wasn't lost. You were lost." It's cute, but it's also very frustrating. I want to make sure he knows what to do if he ever gets lost again, but if he can't even admit or understand that he is lost, will he do the things he knows lost people should do?

I wonder how often I say the same thing to God, "I'm not lost, God. You're lost. I can't find you!" Perhaps God smiles and says, "No, I'm not lost. I know where I am and I even know where you are. But because you cannot admit that you are lost and won't do the things I've taught you, it is hard for you to find me."

I hope we never lose either of our children again, but if we do (and somehow I think it is almost certain that we will), I hope they will admit they are lost and remember what we have taught them to do. Similarly, I hope that when I am feeling lost and alone, that I will remember seek God instead of blaming him. And its possible that the best way to for me to seek God will be to rest in one spot awhile and maybe even look for someone who works for God ("behind the counter") to ask for help.

More Josiah-isms

2006-05-25T17:10:00.000-05:00

We were trying to get Josiah to brush his teeth before leaving for preschool. He was playing with a new toy and ignoring us. When we became more insistent he protested, "Leave me alone! You're ruining my life!"

Then at dinnertime, Ellen was telling Josiah about the positive review of Al's forthcoming book. Josiah said, "That's cool. You're awesome!"

At bedtime, Josiah wanted to stay up. He said, "Leave the light on, please. I want to read books, like you. I want to match you."

Then this morning, he found an ant crawling across the living room floor. Somehow he put it onto one of Elijah's toys, a treehouse that has rotating discs. I heard Josiah say, "He's spinning. He's getting dizzy." I went over to look at what he was doing, and I asked, "Where's the ant?" He pointed to a couple separate pieces of the ant and said, "He broke. He died."